Content note: this episode discusses sexual assault, and BDSM as a modality for processing trauma. Read only if you have the capacity for it right now.
There is a part of my story I kept veiled for more than two decades, even from people who were close to me. During my youth in Spain, I was sexually assaulted. I did not have language for it then, and I built a life around not looking directly at it. It stayed dormant, the way these things do, until it did not.
Confronting What I Had Buried
Facing that memory, after so many years, was not a single moment. It was a slow, deliberate act of courage, done in the company of mentors I trusted, using somatic practices, impact play, bondage, held inside consent and structure rather than chaos. What I want to be precise about is this: it was never about pain or pleasure as the point. It was about my body getting to choose, this time, what happened to it.
BDSM as a Container, Not a Costume
People make assumptions about BDSM that miss what it actually offers. Done well, with real consent and real structure, it is one of the most honest containers I know for emotional release. It gave my nervous system a way to complete a response that had been frozen for twenty years, agency, choice, a felt sense that I could say yes or no and be heard either way.
What I See in Others Now
In my own work as a somatic healer, I now witness this same process in other people carrying their own held trauma. The relief is not theatrical. It is quiet, physical, a body finally exhaling something it has carried since long before the person in front of me knew how to name it.
"Healing is a journey, and you are worthy of every step along the way, including the ones that take twenty years to reach."
Listen to the full episode
Episode 64, Unveiling the Healing Power of BDSM, on The Scrumptious Woman. Contains discussion of sexual assault.
This teaching is part of Juliette Karaman's body-based work on touch, desire, and structured connection.
Work with Juliette: feelfullyyou.com/work-with-me