“A little further down. Tilt your beard.” Thirty seconds, and I got exactly what I wanted. That is the steer, and pleasure mapping is how you find out what to steer towards.
Most of us lie there and hope. We were never taught to say it, so we don’t, and the touch keeps missing by an inch. A map gives you the words.
What is a pleasure map?
A pleasure map shows which touches your body says yes to, and where. I call mine the Touch Map, and it covers the whole body.
It starts from your Pleasure Language, the kind of touch your body speaks. I use the five from Jaiya’s Erotic Blueprints. Jaiya is one of my mentors, and I am a certified Erotic Blueprint coach.
| Pleasure Language | What the touch is like |
|---|---|
| Energetic | Hovering, heat, nearly touching |
| Sensual | Slow, lingering, whole palm |
| Sexual | Direct, wanting, unmistakable |
| Kinky | Firm, edged, a little power in it |
| Shapeshifter | Depends on the day, and that is real |
Why does mapping work better than thinking about it?
Your mind and your body give different answers, and your body gives the true one. What your way into pleasure turns out to be is often very different from what your mind expects, because the body never lies.
The body shows what excites you in small ways: an in-breath, goosebumps arriving on a shoulder. That is where you become a pleasure detective. I walk through it in episode 8 of The Scrumptious Woman.
Describing what works and noticing what your skin is doing are two different skills. You can tell a partner in detail what works on you and still be unable to say what your own skin is doing. My DMs are full of this. The noticing is the part that has to be built.
How do you map where you like to be touched?
You feel one touch at a time and give it a yes, a maybe or a no. The shape of it looks like this:
- Ground first. Touch Base: thumb to forefinger, feel the ridges, say “I am safe right now”, and hold for two minutes.
- Feel one touch in one place. One touch, one place, one answer.
- Check in with your body, not your opinion of your body. Green means go ahead. Orange means curious, with a little “but” in it. Red means stop. Whatever colour you land on is information.
- Rate it. From one to ten, how pleasurable was that, and how much of you was in your body?
I describe the colours and the ratings in episode 42. The full method, my voice guiding each touch and the steer itself, lives inside the Touch Map, one touch a day on your phone.
Is sexual mapping the same thing?
Sexual mapping usually means finding where sexual pleasure lives, and a Touch Map includes that and goes wider. It runs from the inside of your arm to the places you would name as sexual.
If Sexual or Kinky is your language, those touches are in there for you. It starts soft, with your own hand, and none of it needs a partner. If you would like a gentler look at the territory first, what is sensual touch shows how the ways in differ.
Can a partner map with me?
Yes, and I love this work most between couples. You learn each other’s pathway into pleasure, then start playing in each other’s blueprint. Couples map together inside The Beginning, my three month couples intensive, and your own map stays private on your phone. Nobody sees it, not even me.
To find your starting point, take the Touch Reset Quiz. Having a guide beside you is what I do at Feel Fully You, as an intimacy and touch coach in the UK.
Another year of lying there and hoping is the other way to spend it.