Welcome my loves. Let us talk about squirting.
Most people have only ever seen it in porn. The performance of it. The gushing, the arc across the room. I am not saying all of that is faked and I am not saying it is all theatre either.
In Tantra it has a different name. Amrita. Nectar. Sacred, not shameful, and definitely not a party trick.
I have worked in conscious sexuality for years. I am a tantrika. I have been a professional dominatrix. I have carried my own deep sexual trauma, and I have worked with countless people carrying theirs. I am telling you where I am standing because this episode sits exactly where all of that meets: power, permission and release. Those three live in the same conversation, never separate ones.
What Is Missing Is Permission
What I see, over and over and over again, are women who could have this experience and do not. Then their partners go searching. They take the courses on how to find the G spot, the A spot, how to do it to her.
Those bodies actually can, once the pressure comes off.
What has been missing is permission. Full, explicit permission. To take time. To do nothing. To receive without having to earn it, without having to perform, without having to worry about how it looks from the outside.
That permission is the thing.
The Wheel of Consent
Betty Martin built the Wheel of Consent and named this decades ago. There is a taker and there is a giver, and the giver allows. The taker does nothing except take. No performing. No reciprocating. Allowing yourself to be taken from.
It is a genuinely interesting place to feel yourself, in each of those quadrants, and to notice which one your body finds almost impossible.
The Moment the Mind Takes Over
When I started orgasmic meditation, the fifteen minute stroking of a clit, squirting came onto my radar through what I saw in one of the sessions. There was this warm sensation and my first thought was, "that's pee. I'm peeing." So you squeeze down on it.
That is where the mind takes over while the body knows exactly what to do. "Oh my goodness. What is happening? What will he think? Am I peeing? Is this real?"
Become aware enough to catch that micro sensation. Although it might not be micro at all. It might be a big clamping down, and what clamps down on the fear also clamps down on the sensation.
Worth knowing before you start: sensation is not always pleasurable, and that too is information.
"You cannot skip to the squirting. You can build a body that feels safe enough and sacred enough to have it."
Try This: Three Minutes of Taking
Do this alone, or with a partner you trust enough.
Set a timer for three minutes before you start. Then, before anybody touches anybody, recognise in your body what is a yes and what is a maybe. We use the stoplight for this.
- Red. Halt. Hard stop, finished, do not touch again.
- Orange. I am at my boundary. Slow down, adjust, play a little.
- Green. This is going well. Carry on.
One person asks to take. So you, as the person taking, take the kind of touch you want, for your own pleasure. You might walk up to your partner and simply graze their cheek. Check in. Where are they? Then check in with yourself.
How did that feel, to take from someone, inside a three minute container where taking is the agreement? What does it feel like in your own body to take? Does it get slightly more animalistic?
Afterwards comes the question I always use: "Tell me what that brought up for you." Go back and forth maybe five times, then switch sides.
What is it like to be the one giving? For your partner to take from you, to use your body for their own pleasure?
I am talking about touch here. The two of you decide whether it stays sensual, physical, energetic, or becomes sexual touch. The container is yours.
The Peaks, and What I Actually Feel
For me, Amrita is when my finger is near my clit, sometimes just touching it, sometimes the inner lips, right there holding pressure. My whole body exhales. Then it lets go.
That is a body that has been explicitly told it is okay to take its time. That it is okay to be seen, to be felt. That it is safe enough for the most natural thing in the world to happen.
My friend Lauren Harkness coined peaking. The peaks of the orgasm, the peaks of what I call scrumptiousness, that ride of the up and the down. In most of what we are sold about sex, the whole thing points at the moment of climax, at release. In porn it is go and go and go and go until she squirts.
Peaking works differently. You hold right there on the clit, or just off it, then bring it all the way down, stroking down, and you may want more pressure as you go. That is where I see the release come for my clients.
If there is no release, that is beautiful too. It is practice. It is always practice, and the practice is feeling safe.
You Cannot Skip Ahead
Three minutes. Then five. Then seven, ten, fifteen. Holding your pussy, cupping it, getting the blood back into it.
All of this is what we do in the Touch Reset. Structured touch dates and self touch dates. One small practice done every day, which is Touch Base. Structured ways to talk about what happened. Above all, the capacity building, because once you know your touch pattern and your pleasure language you have something real to build on.
Two Questions Before You Go
Where would you want this, specifically? Which room, what kind of touch, how long.
Then picture it a year from now, unchanged. The same clamping down at the first unfamiliar sensation. The same quiet decision that your body must be the one that cannot. Another twelve months of that.
The twelve months are the part I would mind.
Listen to the full episode
Season 2, Episode 46, The Truth About Squirting: Female Pleasure, Permission and Letting Go, on The Scrumptious Woman.
This teaching is part of Juliette Karaman's body-based work on touch, desire, and structured connection.
Work with Juliette: feelfullyyou.com/work-with-me