You type it late at night. Intimacy coach, women over 40, UK. You want someone who knows what this decade does to a body, and who will talk about desire without flinching.
Here is where I stand. I am post-menopause. I said it out loud on my podcast, The Scrumptious Woman. The day after I posted a carousel about what a woman's body can still do in perimenopause and after it, my text messages filled up. "How do you teach this? How do you do this?"
The answer is The Touch Reset. That is what I teach.
An intimacy coach for women in midlife who has lived it
Midlife did something to me too. I ticked the boxes. School, work, the house, the children, the marriage. Then a quiet question landed in my chest: is this all there is? I talked about it on the podcast because it happened to me, and I see the same thing in the women who come to me. Most of them are doing well in every room of their life except one. The relationship that needs the attention is the one with their own body.
I have been working with trauma and the body for the last 10 years and experience it deeply myself. I started out as a SENCO, teaching autistic children to feel safe in their own skin. Everything since has been the same question, asked of grown women and the people they love.
What a sex and intimacy coach over 40 actually works on
The Touch Reset is finding the patterns that close the door to touch, aliveness and connection, and learning how to open it again.
First, we find two things: your Touch Pattern, the way your attention moves when touch arrives, and your Pleasure Language, how you are wired to receive it. Then we give your body something to hold on to. Touch Base®. Touch Dates. The Dyad. The Touch Map™.
The Touch Map goes one body part at a time. Each touch gets a colour. Green is yes, go for it. Orange is maybe, pause or adjust. Red is no touch at all, stop. You build it on your own first, as a date with yourself, long before it is ever shared. Your body gets to report what it actually likes now, in this decade, instead of what it liked years ago.
The aim is a body that can get used to lots of sensation again. Pleasure struggles to come in while the body is bracing, so the bracing is where we start.
For women who want more, wherever they are starting from
Some women find me because touch went quiet. Some find me because it is good, and they want so much more of it. Both are welcome. One of the four results on my quiz is simply "It's good. You want more."
If you want something to try today, start with the anchor that is entirely yours. Touch Base®: press your thumb to your forefinger and feel the ridges. Say to yourself, I am safe right now. Hold it for two minutes. Do it on your own. It teaches your own nervous system what safe touch feels like again, on your own terms.
Where I work, and who with
I live in England and I work with women online and in person. I work with couples too, and with men who love women they can no longer reach. When a woman is ready, the deepest work is one to one, and the Touch Map is done across the whole body.
Anyone looking for the best intimacy coach in the UK for women over 40 deserves someone who teaches from her own body. That is the only way I know how to do it.
Picture another year of this, unchanged. Then picture the one where your body is telling you yes.