Episode 71 Navigating Conflict & Reconnecting: The Repair Process Unveiled with Dr Hazel-Grace Yates

On: Mar 26, 2024

Hey there, lovely listeners! Welcome back to another juicy episode of The Scrumptious Woman. I’m your host, Juliette Karaman, and today, we’re diving deep into the world of relationships, intimacy, and conflict resolution with our incredible guest, Dr. Hazel-Grace Yates. Strap in because this episode is about to get real and scrumptious!

Summary:

In this enlightening conversation, Dr. Hazel-Grace Yates shares their journey from a place of shame and trauma surrounding sexuality to becoming a beacon of empowerment and healing in the realm of relationships and intimacy. Through personal transformation ignited at Burning Man, Hazel-Grace discovered the power of pleasure and embarked on a mission to help others navigate their own journeys towards love and connection.

Key Takeaways:

The Repair Process: Dr. Hazel-Grace unveils a six-step framework for navigating conflict and restoring trust in relationships. From resourcing yourself to exploring empathy and setting the stage for open dialogue, each step is carefully crafted to foster understanding and connection.
The Power of Empathy: We explore the importance of empathy in conflict resolution, both for oneself and for others. By acknowledging shared realities and understanding the impact of our actions, we can foster deeper connections and heal past wounds.
Restoring Integrity: Hazel-Grace shares valuable insights into restoring trust and connection through acts of remorse, restorative actions, rewriting agreements, and embracing the power of redoing past interactions with new perspectives.
Practical Applications: Whether through self-paced courses, virtual workshops, or one-on-one coaching, listeners are empowered to embark on their own journey of healing and transformation in their relationships.

Tune in to this episode to learn how to transform conflict into connection and cultivate deeper intimacy in your relationships. Remember, it’s never too late to rewrite your story and embrace the scrumptiousness of life!

Resources Links:

Connect with Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: 
 
To get in touch with Dr. Hazel-Grace Yates and engage with her content, there are several avenues available:
  • Self-Paced Course: You can purchase the “Repair Bundle” self-paced course directly from her website.
  • Virtual Courses: Dr. Hazel-Grace offers a six-week virtual course, with the next session starting in February. This course provides interactive learning and engagement opportunities.
  • One-on-One Coaching: For a more personalized approach, Dr. Hazel-Grace offers individual or couples coaching sessions. These sessions delve deeper into your specific needs and challenges, providing tailored guidance and support.
  • To explore these options further and learn more about Dr. Hazel-Grace Yates and her work, you can visit her website at drhazelgrace.com or connect with her on Instagram at @drhazelgrace.
 
Find out more about Juliette Karaman here:
 
Use the coupon “FEEL” to get this course valued at £555 for free
 
Don’t forget to Rate and leave a review so more people can tune in and the ripple effect spreads further.
 
Take a screenshot of your review and send it to me on https://www.instagram.com/juliettekaraman/ and you will be given access to a free group Spinal Attunement session. These have been life-changing for my clients!
Transcription:

The Scrumptious Woman EP71

[00:00:00] Juliette Karaman: Welcome to another episode of The Scrumptious Woman. I have with me, they, them, the Dr. Hazel Grace Yates. Now you’ve had over 13 years in relationships, intimacy, and There are so many other things, so I’m actually going to let you introduce yourself a little bit because I never feel like I do it real justice when I read someone’s bio.

[00:00:27] Juliette Karaman: So welcome to the podcast and I’d love to hear a little bit more about you and how you came to those pronouns, they in them as well.

[00:00:36] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: Okay. Yeah. Thank you so much. I’m excited to be here. And, yeah, I came into this world of sex and NMZ coaching by way of my own personal transformation. And I grew up in Texas where sexuality was, shameful, bad, dirty, wrong.

[00:00:53] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: And I also experienced some trauma around sexuality. And I basically just wrote that off of being a pointless part of life. I was like, what’s the point? Until I went to Burning Man at the age of 29, which is when I discovered my clitoris for the very first time. And I

[00:01:11] Juliette Karaman: had you there for a moment.

[00:01:13] Juliette Karaman: You rediscovered your clitoris for the first time, or you just had never really found it? No.

[00:01:19] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: It was literally the first time I’d ever discovered my clitoris. I thought it was my urethra and I told people not to touch me there. I didn’t know where my clitoris was till I was 29 years old.

[00:01:31] Juliette Karaman: Wow. All right.

[00:01:34] Juliette Karaman: Listeners, 29, not knowing I had sweat parts because I lived in Texas. That is not always what is expected of us. Okay. 29, burning man, clitoris.

[00:01:47] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: Yeah, and then and then the next day I had a communal, erotic, sober, art centered ceremony that I never thought I would be in. And I experienced this moment.

[00:02:01] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: And it wasn’t an orgasm, but it was this moment of awakening to holy shit, I am an empowered love, pleasure, and this is healthy, and natural, and beautiful, and it was like that moment I couldn’t go back to the way that I was. Yes! Yes! And I imagined if this was my journey, I imagine other people also had a similar journey, so I Changed my career immediately where I was.

[00:02:28] Juliette Karaman: Amen. Sister. Yes. . Thank you.

Yeah.

[00:02:32] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: I was an educator for the blind, so it was a very different career. Wow. Yeah. . And then over the 13 years of being a sex and NSC coach, an educator. Something I discovered along the way is I’m really good at navigating conflict and I’ve studied conflict resolution a lot.

[00:02:51] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: And I, couples would come to me and they would say, we want better sex and intimacy. And we would start our work and pretty soon into our work, I was like, Oh, you don’t want to touch each other. You want to have sex because your hearts are hurting because there’s so much. unresolved hurt and you don’t know how to go through it.

[00:03:11] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: And so this last year I’ve developed the repair process and, teaching people how to navigate conflict in a way that creates more intimacy, trust. And that’s the thing that I’m like most lit up about right now in my work.

[00:03:25] Juliette Karaman: I love this. Thank you so much for explaining to me. Oh my goodness.

[00:03:30] Juliette Karaman: So since 29, you’re like, whoa, I’ve got a body part that actually is made for pleasure, right? Cause so many women don’t actually know that the clitoris has Between seven and eight thousand nerve endings, whoever you listen to, but the most amount of nerve endings that any part of any body has. And that is solely for pleasure, for, a lot of people don’t want to talk about pleasure, but scrumptiousness, I call it, or the life force, that chi coming through you.

[00:04:01] Juliette Karaman: So I love how you went from an educator to the blind, to an educator on sexuality, intimacy, and conflict. Because exactly what you say to people come to you, couples come to you saying, Oh, we’re not having great sex. We want to have more sex. And it’s you’re not even communicating. There’s no, let’s actually take all the sex off the table first.

[00:04:28] Juliette Karaman: And then let’s learn how to communicate how to actually figure out what you like so that you can then ask it from the other person. So tell me a little bit more About your repair process, I’ve looked online, but I’d love to actually just take us through it a bit.

[00:04:44] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: Yeah, I would love to.

[00:04:46] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: It’s a six step process, and the first three letters, R E P, is the preparation for the conversation. So before we even get into clearing the air conversation, there’s like prep to do. And the first step is resourcing yourself and resourcing I’m referring to the nervous system. So if I’m, if there was a conflict and I’m hurt, I’m angry, I’m intense, going into a repair conversation when you’re dysregulated, it’s not going to go well, right?

[00:05:17] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: So what can we do to regulate, support our nervous system so that we can come from a more centered place? So that’s something that you do on your own before getting to the conversation. And the next letter is

[00:05:31] Juliette Karaman: Can you give our listeners just like one or two takeaways? What would you do if you’re like, you’re really upset.

[00:05:39] Juliette Karaman: You want to talk to your partner. You just want to smack his head out and be like, what the fuck, listen to me. That’s not going to work. How can, I know how to resource me, but how would the listener, what would they do?

[00:05:50] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: Yeah. So it depends on how intense the.

[00:05:54] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: Disregulation is. So the bigger the intensity, the more kind of dramatic you want to move. It’s basically moving the energy, discharging the energy. So that could be looking like going for a vigorous run. That could be looking like pounding pillows. That could look like dancing. That could look like orgasming.

[00:06:14] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: Pleasure. Pleasure is a really great resource. That could look like journaling, finding a friend to vent, to say, Can you hold space for me just to vent and just to get it out? And the important thing, like I said, is it’s not with the person that you’re in conflict with, right? So if you’re using support from someone else to resource, it’s not the person that you’re in conflict.

[00:06:35] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: Touch. Cuddling, squeezing shaking, dancing,

[00:06:40] Juliette Karaman: animals, co regulation, all of that, right? All of that, given like loads of stuff, which is so good for people to hear because they always think, oh, it’s just one way, but there’s not just one way. There are so many ways that you can always find what works for you.

[00:06:57] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: Yeah, absolutely. Great question. Thank you. Okay, so now that you’ve resourced yourself to the So at the level that you feel satisfied, then you’ll go to E, which is Empathy, and Empathy is exploring empathy for yourself and other. And what I mean by self is self compassion and taking a minute to say, how did this thing impact me?

[00:07:20] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: What was the impact on me? How did that feel? What was that like for me? And offering myself validation, offering myself compassion for whatever it is that I’m experiencing. And then the Empathy for Other. This one is really interesting because I’m inviting people to access some empathy before you even get to the conversation.

[00:07:41] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: And this is what I call anticipatory understanding. And it’s like imagining like what might have been going on for them such that they did or didn’t do that thing. Have they eaten? Were they sober? Have they had any rest? And like the most important thing actually in Empathy for Other is asking yourself, what do I not yet know?

[00:08:04] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: And consider that I might not have all of the information yet to, to, so that’s

[00:08:10] Juliette Karaman: the point. And I think if anything, that would probably be my biggest one. It’s like really be curious, hey, what’s going on in their lives that I don’t know, but I think I know everything. We don’t. Yeah, that’s a good point.

[00:08:27] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: Yeah. So that is the R E, and that’s what you do before you talk to the person, then now we’re ready to actually talk to the person about having the conversation, and this step is called permission. And this is getting consent, this is getting setting the stage to, to optimize the conversation.

[00:08:50] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: There’s a frame that I use, and what we do is we say, What we want to talk about. What is the desire outcome that we want? How triggered am I? And this is useful to let the other person know on a scale of one to 10. How charged am I? Am I, is this like a one, like not that big of a deal? Or is this like a nine where I’m like really angry or really hurt?

[00:09:16] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: So we say, I want to talk about this thing. The desired outcome is so that we can really understand one another or that we can create better agreements. I feel like a six on the charge scale. Are you open to that conversation and then finding out when and where you’ll have the conversation.

[00:09:36] Juliette Karaman: And that’s a really good point as well. When and where, not only because We’ve done the prep work, we’ve done the empathy and the the resourcing and the empathy. And then we’re going for the P and it’s right now, I want to have it right now. And that is the point that I usually get across to my clients.

[00:09:54] Juliette Karaman: It’s Hey, do they have the bandwidth for this right now? Can they come back with a counter offer saying, yes, I’d love to speak about this. And maybe tomorrow after we’ve sent the kids off to school.

[00:10:06] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: Exactly. And that’s exactly you’re nailing it right on the head. So we’ve done the resourcing.

[00:10:13] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: They might’ve been totally surprised, not expecting it. And this is giving the permission frame invites them into the opportunity. Do they need to resource? Do they have the capacity to say yes to this conversation?

[00:10:29] Juliette Karaman: Really lovely. I like how you’ve played around with that. The letters work perfectly.

[00:10:36] Juliette Karaman: Yeah. We are halfway through the letters. What happens then? Yeah.

[00:10:42] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: And I also, side note, I just want to say that about, actually, One year ago, almost to the date, I was sitting in a tree and a vision quest by myself for hours. And this word came to me through spirit. This was not something that I created.

[00:10:59] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: And this repair process is bigger than me. And I just happened to be the steward of it in this moment. And so just gratitude for me being the vessel and for spirit delivering this wisdom for me to share it with folks.

[00:11:12] Juliette Karaman: And very happy that you were the Vessel and that you listened, right?

[00:11:15] Juliette Karaman: Because so often some of us are like, I was on a vision quest for seven days. And honestly, I’m like, what came through? I still haven’t worked it out completely. Yeah. Sit there, but it was good.

[00:11:30] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: Yeah. Seven days. That’s a long time. Yeah. Okay. So then the, we’ve done the prep. So R E P is the prep and then A I R is air.

[00:11:41] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: And so this is the clearing the air conversation. Oh, nice. So the first letter is acknowledge and acknowledge is about creating shared understanding about what happened. Let’s acknowledge what happened. And I’d say that this step is the one that is Skipped the most because we can’t go to impact or feeling and unless we’re on the same page.

[00:12:07] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: So that, this one’s skipped the most. And I also say that it’s the most difficult to access shared understanding because we all have our own interpretations. We all have our own memories. And so the word that I use for acknowledge is, let’s create a shared reality. and that reality is understanding.

[00:12:28] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: Your reality and my reality, and sometimes those realities match. And sometimes they don’t, so if they do match if I said if I texted and I said I’m gonna be home at 530 and I got home at 6, we can, that’s easy for us to say, the, our realities match, I said I was gonna be home at 530.

[00:12:49] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: And I got home at six. That’s simple shared reality where it lies often is what I call complex shared reality when you have a different memory or a different interpretation. And so when that exists, we. It’s about saying, okay, I believe you, that’s your memory, and my memory is this. And if we can just understand and acknowledge that is the other person’s reality, then we can go to impact.

[00:13:18] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: But it’s really important for us just to acknowledge, okay, we have a different reality, and we can still hear what the impact was, knowing and understanding that reality is your reality and my reality is my reality.

[00:13:32] Juliette Karaman: Completely, right? 5. 30, I call, say I’m going to be home at 5. 30, I’m home at 6. For me, it’s okay, half an hour difference, not a big deal.

[00:13:41] Juliette Karaman: But for the other person, that might be, how did that impact them, right? How did that impact them feel? I guess that’s where you’re going next.

[00:13:51] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: Yep, exactly. Yep, so impact is next. So once we’ve gotten to shared reality from the acknowledge step, we go to impact. An impact statement is, this one’s really all about the heart.

[00:14:04] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: This is the activating the empathy neurons and just really listening from your heart of what the impact was on the other person. And it’s a very simple frame. And you say, when this thing happened, and it’s you name the shared reality, cause we just already did that before. When this thing happened, the impact on me was this.

[00:14:28] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: When you showed up at six o’clock and the agreement was 5 30, the impact on me is I felt confused and stressed and sad. And then the other person says, what I’m hearing you say is, When I showed up at six, you felt sad, surprised, confused. Did I get that right? And so the reflective listening is so vital here.

[00:14:53] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: And especially that question of, did I get that right? And making sure that you really heard and got their

[00:15:00] Juliette Karaman: world. So good. So not Oh that was not my intention. Yeah. I was like, I got home at six. What’s the big deal? All right. I’m just telling you how it goes wrong and I’m sure you’ve seen loads of that.

[00:15:15] Juliette Karaman: Oh,

[00:15:15] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: absolutely. Yeah. That, that one definitely is. That’s a big distinction. Intention versus impact and sometimes it is useful to get to intention, but I don’t, I do not want to ever go to intention. unless you’ve gotten, fully gotten the impact and you’ve gotten permission. So you could say now that I’ve heard that, are you open to hearing what my intention was?

[00:15:41] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: Because that could be useful, but not useful unless the other person’s really felt heard.

[00:15:47] Juliette Karaman: It’s never useful at first. It’s let them speak, let, understand their communication. I talk about understanding someone’s communication. You might not like it, you might not agree with it, but you’re actually Understanding what they’re saying to you and it’s, you’re open for that.

[00:16:03] Juliette Karaman: Yeah. So last one is?

[00:16:07] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: The last one is restore integrity. And so the way that I define conflict is a break in trust or connection. So the purpose of restoring integrity is restoring trust and connection that was broken or lost. And I offer a menu of options. Oh,

[00:16:28] Juliette Karaman: yum, it’s Gorgosport!

[00:16:33] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: And depending on the severity of the trust that was broken will depend on if you use one of them, all of them, or even multiple times.

[00:16:41] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: And sometimes it can be a really short, small process, and you only need to do one thing. And sometimes, one of my biggest ruptures in my relationship, it took us three months to move through clearing that, that big rupture that happened in our relationship. And we had to use multiple of the menu options multiple times.

[00:17:01] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: So the menu is, and they all start with R E, Which is really amazing. Again, I mean this is just so fun because it’s like I didn’t come up with this. It just, it was just given to me. So restore integrity. The first one is remorse. So this one’s pretty common. People are familiar with this one.

[00:17:23] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: Some version of regret. I’m sorry. I made a mistake. That was wrong. I really apologize. Whatever expression of your remorse is. So that’s remorse. And then the next one is restorative actions. And this is acts or service in, with the purpose and the intention of restoring the trust or the connection that was lost.

[00:17:48] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: And I have a very quick story of what my dad did. So my dad and I have healed our relationship and I, it’s one of the things that I’m like most proud of in my lifetime. And yeah, it is It’s, I’m my dad’s my best friend. I’m so happy. Raised me with lots of love, and he also is from a military lineage, so heavy hands of discipline, yelling, belting, intimidation, and that caused me to create relationships in my life.

[00:18:24] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: I would find boyfriends that would yell at me and hit me for many years. And then I started doing my healing work and I was like, Oh, wow, that was not okay. The way my dad raised me and we had a healing conversation, many of them, but, Oh, okay. So he acknowledged and heard the impact it had on my life.

[00:18:46] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: Then the next day, which I never thought I was going to get, by the way, it was amazing. Extraordinary. The next day, my dad, who’s never taken a workshop or read a book in his whole life, calls me and says, I can’t go back and change what I did, and I want to offer to pay for your therapy for the rest of your life.

[00:19:11] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: Wow.

[00:19:12] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: So that is an example of restorative action.

[00:19:16] Juliette Karaman: That’s really taking responsibility for how their actions have hurt you, have impacted you. What happened because of that? What was the global effect? That’s incredible. That’s really brilliant. Beautiful way to re engage with him in a way, right? Yeah.

[00:19:40] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: Okay, and then the next one is rewrite. So rewriting is two fold. One, are there any agreements that we need to rewrite? Or, in fact, are there any agreements we need to write at all? So if we haven’t written agreements, are there any agreements we need to write? And then the second rewrite is, are there any stories that got created that need to be rewritten?

[00:20:07] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: And, an example of this was, My partner he came to rescue me when my motorcycle broke down and he was like not excited to come rescue me when I was like excited to rescue him three times that year. And so in that moment when he came to rescue me, not stoked, I made up the story. My partner doesn’t care about me as much as I care about him.

[00:20:31] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: And that

[00:20:31] Juliette Karaman: was People can raise their hand and say that we’ve all had some sort of thought like that. It’s I do everything for him or her or whoever it is, and they do nothing for us, right? Yeah. I think everyone on the earth can relate to that.

[00:20:47] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: Totally. Totally. So when we went through the repair process, I was like, that story is not true.

[00:20:54] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: It is not founded. And it was important for me to name it and claim it and say it out loud so that I don’t keep relating to him as if that story is true.

[00:21:06] Juliette Karaman: So clear the air, clear the energy, cut the cords, everything. Yeah.

[00:21:11] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: Okay, so then we come to the last one, which is my favorite one.

[00:21:16] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: This one is Redo. Oh, yes. Yeah, so Redo says, Now that we know what we know, If we could go back in time, what would both of us have done differently such that conflict wouldn’t have happened, so that we would have stayed in connection and stayed in harmony? And the and what’s cool about this one, it’s playing with our ability to rewire

[00:21:42] Juliette Karaman: our brain.

[00:21:42] Juliette Karaman: I was going to say, you’re rewiring, you’re getting those new neural pathways in.

[00:21:46] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: Yeah! Yeah, because there’s some parts of our brain, when we visualize, and especially the more that we can embody it and we can feel it, some part of our brain doesn’t know the difference between what actually happened versus what happened in our visualization, which is why we can rewire our brain.

[00:22:04] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: And this one’s a little bit more advanced and a little bit edgy for some people, but even reenacting the scene, like actually reenacting it and saying it and feeling it can really help rewire the brain

[00:22:17] Juliette Karaman: as well. It’s so cool because I often use redo, but with my couples, but actually what I have learned from from my trauma years ago, I call that duplication.

[00:22:31] Juliette Karaman: So where you duplicate what happened but you give it a different ending or you rewire your brain in a different way. I’ve just done a podcast this week about my rape story where people hadn’t really understood it. I was away in the Dominican Republic this week with some of my, 10 very good friends of mine or 10 of us.

[00:22:52] Juliette Karaman: And they just didn’t understand. And they’re like, what do you mean about the floggers and this? Rope and, and you help people with sexuality. So then I talked about it and they’re like, Oh my God, you need to really help people with this. I’m like, people know. I was like, no, we have never heard that on your own podcast.

[00:23:10] Juliette Karaman: I’m like, okay, fair enough. So I’ll be writing about it this week and and it will come out on Friday. And part of that part, the bit is duplication. Which is what you’re doing with redoing, but you’re giving it a different ending. So what I did is like, when I always had a fear of stuff, and I knew this instinctively before I got into the whole, mind mapping and, and psychology of it all, and actually really the neurology of it.

[00:23:37] Juliette Karaman: It’s any time that I had a fear, like I had a massive fear of spiders. I went to the Big Ben in Texas and I had all these tarantulas being put on me. So it’s okay, I’m just re I’m re enacting that fear, but I’m going through it. I had a fear of heights and my brother took me to jump out of a plane.

[00:23:58] Juliette Karaman: I got raped, I re enacted that, but I gave it a different ending. So the do over is so important. Yeah,

[00:24:08] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: Yeah. And talking about using kink as a way to heal our trauma. As I said, my dad would use a belt on us for discipline. And so I’ve done kink scenes where I was in choice and I was in power and I said I want that and I want it for my pleasure.

[00:24:26] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: And so I got to re, rewire that part too. With intensity and belts and it was really hot. Super

[00:24:33] Juliette Karaman: cool, right? How you can actually just, anything that you’re afraid of, you can actually teach your brain that there’s nothing to be afraid of. You can, your brain, you can teach your nervous system, your body will remember.

[00:24:47] Juliette Karaman: And then once we can get through that whole trauma cycle, it’s Oh, I’m not afraid This is there’s pleasure here. There’s sensations, oh my god, there are like, there’s buzzing. I can have access to all of this. So I love how you take people through this whole process. It’s you’ve broken it down in, in such beautiful steps that I think Most of the listeners already have a really good idea of how it can help them.

[00:25:15] Juliette Karaman: I would like you to tell them how they can. Do you give, do you do courses in this? Is it an evergreen? How do people learn this? Because explaining it to someone who understands it like me, great, but someone who’s just driving to work or going for a run and listening to this be like, Oh, I really want to revisit that.

[00:25:37] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: Yeah, there’s multiple ways that people can engage with this content. I have, you can just buy the self paced course on my website. It’s called the Repair Bundle. I also have a virtual, six week virtual course that’s actually coming up beginning of February 21st. And then I also work individually, one on one with individuals or couples doing, one on one coaching or private coaching.

[00:26:01] Juliette Karaman: Beautiful. So the way that I understand it, all your private coaching is going to have part of this as well, right? Oh yeah. Yeah. Because it’s just such an integral part of what we take people through. And I remember teaching some of the other coaches that, because I teach a lot of coaches and therapists and they’re like, how do you come up with programs?

[00:26:25] Juliette Karaman: I’m like, you just look at all the. The people that do one on one with you, or the couples that come to you, is like, is there a certain pattern that starts to appear? And they’re like, oh yeah, I always take them through this and that. I’m like there you go. You can then make it a group program so that you can help more people with it.

[00:26:44] Juliette Karaman: Oh, I hadn’t understood.

[00:26:46] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: Yeah, and I’m having a lot of fun getting to talk to people like you and talking about this, there’ll be like one little thing, one little comment or one little addition or one, like you’re, like you said, the duplication, right? And so I’m having so much fun jamming out with people who understand this and learning and I’m finding that the people who are attracted to this right now are people who already have a lot of skill in conflict resolution.

[00:27:11] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: They already have it, and it’s Whoa, putting it in this particular order or like this one step that I wasn’t using really helps it come together. It’s fun to geek

[00:27:21] Juliette Karaman: out. Of course, my mind is going are you going to train people in this? My mind goes into 5, 000 different directions.

[00:27:29] Juliette Karaman: I had to say that you’re a manifesting generator.

[00:27:32] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: No, I’m a projector. I’m

[00:27:34] Juliette Karaman: a, I’m a Maddie Judd. So I will have different things. Oh, got

[00:27:38] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: it. Yeah.

[00:27:39] Juliette Karaman: Got it. Yeah. Oh, okay. She can do that. So she can start coaching other coaches. They can use it for their own stuff. They can use it for their clients.

[00:27:46] Juliette Karaman: Anyway. Yeah. So I love this. Will you let us know where, and of course it will go in the show notes, where can people find you, your website, your Instagram?

[00:27:58] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: It’s drhazelgrace. com is the website. And then my Instagram is also drhazelgrace.

[00:28:06] Juliette Karaman: Beautiful. Now one last kind of like little thing to ask. If you could give your 25 year old Hazel Grace a few things now, knowing what you know now, what would you tell them?

[00:28:25] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: I just did it. And that is to take a breath. Good. And giving myself the space to take a breath, to feel my body of what is my desires, what is my yes, what is my no, honoring and listening to the wisdom of my body. And just taking a breath is that is one, one access point of really, it almost feels like when I’m taking a breath, I’m saying like, I honor you body and I’m here to listen to your wisdom.

[00:28:59] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: And so that’s the first thing that came to mind. And the second one would be It’s, it seems so stupid simple, but the one skill I wish every human being on the planet, including my 25 year old self, had is saying, what I’m hearing you say is, did I get that right?

[00:29:21] Juliette Karaman: It’s probably one of the most impactful sentences that I learned.

[00:29:26] Juliette Karaman: When I first learned it, my kids were like, oh mommy, you’re so fucking annoying. But then after a while they’re like, no, you did not hear that right. It’s amazing. You might have heard that but what I meant to say was this and that. Yeah.

[00:29:40] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: Yeah. And I think sometimes when they hear this tool or this phrase, that people think that it’s all about making sure you, the other person did it right.

[00:29:51] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: And sometimes that’s actually not true. It’s also, is that actually what I meant to say? Is that what I wanted to communicate? So it’s actually when I when someone does reflective listening is what I’d call it. Reflective listening. It’s actually ensuring both people are saying what they mean and hearing what they actually wanted to communicate.

[00:30:12] Juliette Karaman: And it’s slowing down to really notice if the other person has understood you. Doesn’t need to agree with you again. It might not even like your communication, but reflects it back to you. It’s oh, so what I’m hearing you say is correct. Did I under, I’d to say, did I understand that?

[00:30:32] Juliette Karaman: And then they’re like, yeah, that’s how I said it, but no, you didn’t understand it because I’m trying to say this. Oh,

[00:30:39] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: got it. So instead of saying, did I get that right? You say, did I understand that? Oh, I like that.

[00:30:46] Juliette Karaman: Little nuances. See, we can jab about this forever. So now one question that came up for me, it’s so you used to educate the blind.

[00:30:55] Juliette Karaman: Is there a way that you help them with their intimacy as well?

[00:31:00] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: I haven’t you mean specifically the blind population?

[00:31:03] Juliette Karaman: Yeah. I was just, one of my, my nephew is in a wheelchair. So I’m always very conscious and two of my kids are neurodivergent. So I’m always very conscious about people that may not have access.

[00:31:15] Juliette Karaman: And now I’m like, Oh my God, you are an educator of blind and now intimacy like a really cool thing.

[00:31:23] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: Yeah. I’ve worked with people with disabilities, all disabilities for about 15 years. And so I am. A practitioner that is very comfortable with working with people with diversity of disabilities.

[00:31:35] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: It hasn’t, it’s not my primary niche. It hasn’t been who’s come and I’m very comfortable with lots of expressions

[00:31:43] Juliette Karaman: of. Yeah. Yeah, and that’s the beauty of this framework for your repair process, right? How that just, it’s beautiful, it’s vocal, you can get that across, doesn’t really matter what, if you do have a disability or, a disadvantage, I like calling it, because it’s, and we’re just taking advantage away from some people that they can, anyone can use this.

[00:32:10] Juliette Karaman: Incredible work that you’re doing. I’m so pleased that you came on.

[00:32:14] Dr Hazel-Grace Yates: Thank you so much, Julia. It’s such a pleasure to meet you and be here.

[00:32:18] Juliette Karaman: It was incredible having you. Thank you. Yeah, you’re welcome. Much love.

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