Episode 64 Unveiling the Healing Power of BDSM: A Personal Journey of Transformation Juliette Karaman

On: Feb 16, 2024

Content TRIGGER Warning:

This podcast episode contains discussions about sexual assault and BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, and Masochism), including sensitive topics related to consent, power dynamics, and personal boundaries. Listener discretion is advised, as the content may be triggering or uncomfortable for some individuals. Please take care of yourself and prioritise your mental and emotional well-being while listening. If you need support or resources related to sexual assault or BDSM, please reach out to appropriate professionals or organisations for assistance.

Welcome back, lovely listeners, to another captivating episode of The Scrumptious Woman. Today, I embark on a deeply personal narrative, sharing a profound journey of self-discovery and healing, exploring the transformative power of BDSM as a tool for overcoming trauma and embracing profound personal transformation.

Key Takeaways:

  • Revealing the Veil: Through courage and vulnerability, I delve into the depths of my experiences, shedding light on the hidden corners of my past that remained veiled, even to those closest to me.
  • Confronting Trauma: Recounting a harrowing incident of sexual assault during my youth in Spain, I confront the trauma that lay dormant for over two decades, ultimately finding the courage to confront and release the haunting memories.
  • Somatic Healing: Through somatic experiences like impact play and bondage, guided by compassionate mentors, I navigate the complexities of my trauma, reclaiming agency over my body and rewriting the narrative of my past.
  • BDSM as Catalyst: Central to my healing journey is the recognition that BDSM, beyond pleasure or pain, serves as a catalyst for emotional liberation and inner transformation, creating safe, consensual spaces for exploration and deep catharsis.
  • Witnessing Healing: In my work as a dominatrix and somatic healer, I witness the profound impact of BDSM on others grappling with their own traumas, offering solace, empowerment, and a pathway to reclaiming their bodies and sexuality.
  • Invitation to Liberation: Continuing to explore the intersection of sexuality, spirituality, and healing, I invite you to embark on your own journey of self-discovery and liberation, whether through BDSM or other modalities, finding the courage to confront shadows, embrace desires, and step into our fullest, most authentic selves.

Thank you for joining me on this intimate exploration. Remember, healing is a journey, and you are worthy of every step along the way.

With love and reverence,
Juliette Karaman

Resources Links:

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Transcription:

The Scrumptious Woman EP64

[00:00:00] Juliette Karaman: Hello my lovelies. So welcome to another episode of The Scrumptious Woman. I spent a long weekend, four days, with nine other coaches, lightworkers, shamans, therapists, in the Dominican Republic. And what became really clear is that my story wasn’t really known. People had understood parts of my story, but not completely.

[00:00:37] Juliette Karaman: And when I shared it with these other women, there was so much healing, and there was so much understanding that what I actually do is alchemy. This does come with a disclaimer. I will be talking about my sexual trauma. I will be talking about sexual trauma about abuse, about how to use, or how I used, and how I have helped other clients reach static states through BDSM, through flogging, through other things, to actually release their trauma and how I did that myself.

[00:01:21] Juliette Karaman: So how I became a dominatrix and what that meant and why I went into that. So if this feels too much for you then please do not listen . For those of you that do want to hear this, I’m going to advise you just to take a breath. Take a breath in through your nose, exhale through your mouth, and just notice what’s happening in your body.

[00:01:48] Juliette Karaman: Are you holding on to breath? Are you feeling okay? Does anything feel a little clenched? Because these are all somatic indicators of what is happening in your body. And this is exactly the kind of thing that I’m going to be talking about, is that my body, my psyche, hid the sexual abuse, hit the early sexual abuse and then completely hit the date rape that happened to me when I was 18 for years, for over 20 years.

[00:02:26] Juliette Karaman: And it was not until I actually got flogged between my shoulders that my body started having a physical, a visceral Reaction. Response. So I was, actually my body remembered. Our psyche is incredible, right? How it keeps us safe. And my body remembered.

[00:02:53] Juliette Karaman: It started shaking. It started wailing. And all of a sudden, the memory started flooding back. So this is how. I really remembered my date rape. So when I was 18, I moved to Spain. I learned Spanish in a place called Salamanca. And taught English to 13 year olds. And 12, 13, 14 year olds. And at one point I was dating a guy.

[00:03:25] Juliette Karaman: And I had an American girlfriend and she was dating his friend. We were invited to this party outside of Salamanca. Of course we went. And, we were with our boyfriends and, my boyfriend took me or, I’d been seeing him for a few, probably two months or so, so it was pretty new.

[00:03:44] Juliette Karaman: He took me to, to a room and just said, Hey, I want to show you something, close the door and then let in four other guys. Didn’t know what was happening, but. Hands pulling me, my dress being, being ripped and being pulled up. And up until today I don’t remember every single detail of it because, yeah, I’m 55 now and this was when I was 18.

[00:04:13] Juliette Karaman: But all I remember is fighting really hard, saying no, screaming in Dutch and Spanish and English and just saying, no, I don’t want this. And, these men laughing and holding me down. The same thing happened to my girlfriend in another room. So they went from this, from my room, to her room.

[00:04:34] Juliette Karaman: Same thing happened. At one point we escaped. We found each other, battered, black eyes, and torn nose, lips, everything. And we escaped through a window and walked back to the city. Now we didn’t talk much. We’re quite quiet and we didn’t go to the police because there was a lot of shame involved.

[00:05:04] Juliette Karaman: There was a lot of oh, what have I done to invite this in? What’s my part about it? How could I have trusted this guy? How could I have been with someone for two, three months, and then this is what happens? So there’s all these emotions going through my head, and I’m sure going through hers as well.

[00:05:28] Juliette Karaman: I remember that evening I said goodbye to her. She went to her thing. I saw her the next day. And then the week afterwards, she went back to the States. We never spoke about it to each other again. We never spoke to anyone else about it. The guy I was seeing came to apologize the next day, and I just said it’s not, I will not forgive you, no.

[00:05:54] Juliette Karaman: You cannot apologize for this, what you did was unforgivable. And then, the psyche is an incredible tool. I went on about my life, and I conveniently forgot or, my subconscious just kept it unavailable for me, so that I did not know. For years, I did not know what happened. I figured there was something because my body would tense up sometime if people came too close to me, but I didn’t realize I had no actual memory of it.

[00:06:31] Juliette Karaman: I had some flashbacks back to when my uncle used to come close to me, but I didn’t recognize, I didn’t remember that time in Spain. So I want everyone to just take a breath here.

[00:06:45] Juliette Karaman: And recognize that sometimes it can be quite uneasy hearing stories like that. And we don’t quite know why, but there may be something in our past that our psyche has hidden for us. And this is the beauty of our psyche. Until we are ready, To do the work or until we’re ready to unpack it, to unfold it, and I see it like a ball of yarn, all of a sudden, we can start pulling the threads and it will untangle.

[00:07:18] Juliette Karaman: And until we are actually in an emotional state and in a physical state that we can untangle this without there being a chance of us being re traumatized. Our psyche and our subconscious keeps us safe and that is often how patterns and how beliefs get wired into the system and it almost does become like a hard wire because we just do this thing and we believe that thing afterwards and then that just becomes The way, the electric connection.

[00:07:57] Juliette Karaman: So what happened to me is

[00:08:01] Juliette Karaman: for 20 odd years, probably longer, yeah, until my 40s, I was 18 to 40. 20 odd years. I. didn’t realize the extent of what had happened to me in Spain. I actually didn’t remember anything. And it was only until I spent some months in a conscious sexuality program, because I had spent nine months in hospital fainting.

[00:08:33] Juliette Karaman: That’s a whole other story, but we’ll go there some other time. What? That is what brought me being, being in the hospital for nine months, fainting all the time, waking up in a pool of blood on my half landing where I had cut my one of my veins in my in my wrist by fainting on a beautiful antique vase and I remember just waking up and I could taste this metallic taste of blood and all I could see was dark red blood and I was like, oh my god is this it?

[00:09:14] Juliette Karaman: Am I dying?

[00:09:16] Juliette Karaman: So I made a conscious decision that no, this is not it. I have four children. I want to live. So that was the start of how my journey in discovering my waking up my Ascension process, however you want to call it. But the journey back to me really started there. So I went into this conscious sexuality realm.

[00:09:41] Juliette Karaman: A few months in, I was in this class called Taboo. Any of you that might hear the word taboo, it’s oh, what’s that? So for me, the same thing, when I heard this word taboo, I’m like, oh, I want to hear more. I want to understand more. And it wasn’t so much mentally that I needed to understand, but I was really going for the visceral feeling in my body.

[00:10:05] Juliette Karaman: I was like, okay, I don’t know what it says in the sales page. I don’t know what it is, but I know that I want to go to this class. And this is in the States. It was in San Francisco. So I travelled from London to San Francisco with a lot of other people that were in my coaching program. I spent six months going up and down to the States to to learn how to coach in one of my first programs.

[00:10:29] Juliette Karaman: And as we were in this BDSM class, in this kink class, in this taboo class where everything, taboo could be anything from Getting undressed in front of your partner, if that’s not something that you’re used to, then that’s a bit taboo. Up to leaving the lights on when you’re getting undressed and a stranger might pass by.

[00:10:50] Juliette Karaman: Or it could be, using impact tools, using a flogger, using a whip, having maybe psychological games saying, Hey, I didn’t ask you to look at me. Click them. Ice them. Good boy, good girl.

[00:11:10] Juliette Karaman: You’d like to be spoken to this way. All of that. is taboo and is in the whole kink realm. It is massive. The BDSM in the kink realm. So when I started exploring this, I’m like, yes, I’m going to this class. So we get to this class two days or Friday, Saturday, Sunday. So two days and a night. And on the second day, on the Saturday, these, the Dom and her assistant were teaching us how to use a flogger.

[00:11:41] Juliette Karaman: Now, I will actually grab one

[00:11:44] Juliette Karaman: so that you guys can all, and ladies and everyone, can see what a flogger is like. Now this is a braided one, but a flogger is typically something either leather, suede, or it could be vegan with, these are called falls, onto a stick, onto a handle. And what you do of it is you create an impact on somebody’s body.

[00:12:11] Juliette Karaman: Now, that is one of the impact play. We can also use our hands, we can use a paddle, we can use all kind of implements, there are loads of them. But what we were learning that class was A flogger and the whoosh that it makes and the thud that it has on your body can be massively grounding. Now there are lots of different floggers and I’m not going to go into this, but I’ll just say there are stingy ones that can leave a really stingy feeling and there are ones that can really feel thuddy.

[00:12:48] Juliette Karaman: And when we’ve had some kind of trauma on board that thuddy, like deep sensation, almost a drum and like a didgeridoo. That’s where the didgeridoo drum from the aborigines in Australia also has this same effect, that it has the body feel safe, but it can also start to activate some shimmering, some Shaking.

[00:13:16] Juliette Karaman: My partner, I had used the flogger on, we were in a couple of three, I used the flogger on him and on her and we were taught exactly where to use it. You can use it on the thighs, on the But, or between the shoulders, on the, not on the spine, but like on the kind of like fleshy part, right?

[00:13:38] Juliette Karaman: This is where we always have to be very careful that we don’t use parts that could be organs nowhere near the kidneys, nowhere, anywhere where it could leave. creating create damage and could leave lasting damage. So as I was flogging, I was really getting the hang of it and I was like, whoa, this sound already feels good and how it feels in my hand feels good.

[00:14:05] Juliette Karaman: And then when it was time for them, for my one partner to start flogging me, I could feel my body was starting to tremble and was starting to. Something was happening, right? I could feel the energy in my body almost start to vibrate. I got my other partner, we were in a group of three, to also flogs at the same time.

[00:14:28] Juliette Karaman: They’re on my back, in between my shoulders, not on the spine. And I could just feel that something was about to pop. So I asked the Dom. And her assistant, because I can, because, we will check in with each other and they’re like, where are you at on a scale of one to ten? Ten being stop.

[00:14:52] Juliette Karaman: Where are you on the stoplight? Are you yellow? Orange? Keep going. Red. Full stop. And I was like, no, I’m green, but I’m getting towards orange. There’s about something about to happen. I’m at about a six, but I think I need to go to an eight. So I asked them, I said, go get the dom and their assistant and ask them to help you.

[00:15:14] Juliette Karaman: And I told her, I said, something feels like I’m about to pop. My body is just, it feels like a balloon inflating, and just about to let go. So she and her assistant were like chuk. And it probably took about eight to ten. Hits of the flogger falls, the thick falls on my skin.

[00:15:39] Juliette Karaman: And my body started to shake more and more. And this wailing came up from me that I didn’t even recognize was me. And all of a sudden I just Got to this state and I started shaking and bucking and there was wailing and there was tears and snot flying and everything. And everything came flooding back.

[00:16:04] Juliette Karaman: My body had a visceral response, a visceral reaction to the impact on my body and actually it knew. It knew to complete that trauma cycle. Now if we think about an animal, say a deer is being chased by whatever, a hyena or something, it quickly knows, it creates those chemicals, it knows to run, and then afterwards it’s shaking.

[00:16:33] Juliette Karaman: You’ve probably seen dogs. I have a whippet, my whippet shakes all the time when she hears a noise, she shakes afterwards and gets it out of her system. We humans. Don’t do that. We keep it. We hold it. Our subconscious holds it for us. It gets locked into our body. And then when it can get reactivated, or like my part the flogging actually did it.

[00:17:02] Juliette Karaman: My psyche remembered something. Body remembered. My psyche knew hey, we’re in a safe container. We’re in a safe space. She feels safe enough to remember this happening, this event that happened to her. So I was wailing, crying on all fours. And yet there was such expansion. I felt so much in my body which I probably had never done even after having four kids and multiple miscarriages and everything.

[00:17:33] Juliette Karaman: I hadn’t felt so much that I was actually present in that moment. Because what happens is when you get flogged or when you go to these ecstatic states, the actual, the conscious mind is not there and all we can do is just receive the energetic imprint. So to cut a long story slightly shorter is

[00:17:58] Juliette Karaman: I felt incredible after that. I got great, good, great care afterwards, put blankets on me, I asked exactly for what I needed, lots of water, salt bath, salt showers afterwards, but in that moment I just needed people not on my top but just holding my feet, holding my legs so I could feel grounded, I could feel back on this earth again.

[00:18:22] Juliette Karaman: And I knew that I needed to recreate the event. This is before I delved really deep into psychology and of the concept of which I call duplication. So I flew back to London and I contacted this Dom that I’d met in one of the events. And I, we had a call together and I explained the fact to him.

[00:18:48] Juliette Karaman: I said, listen, I have re remembered my date rape. Five guys. And all the things are coming back again, so I would like to recreate the scene. So you and another four guys, but I want to give it a different ending. So we went ahead, he arranged four other guys the five of them and me recreated the scene as much as I remembered the last time, because that’s what a memory is, right?

[00:19:24] Juliette Karaman: We remember of what we remember. And so we reenacted it, But we gave it a different ending. So instead of them going ahead of them, I actually managed to push them all off and to Create an ending in which I didn’t get raped. So creating a new neural pathway in my mind that this is not what actually needs to happen.

[00:19:49] Juliette Karaman: I don’t need to fear men anymore. I don’t need to fear it when anyone comes close to me because we can give it a different ending. After that one instance my Dom called me up and we had a call afterwards to see how did that go and, and of course they were also flogging me because I wanted to get into those heightened states again and then reenact it.

[00:20:11] Juliette Karaman: I told him how much it had helped me and how much I. really believe that BDSM is a tool for healing and he said to me, he said, you are very passionate about this and you’d be an excellent dom. Would you like to dom train with me? So I felt into that oh, okay, there’s definitely a lot of healing about this.

[00:20:38] Juliette Karaman: And any time that I had a feeling like, oh, I’m not sure if I should do that, like I was afraid of heights. I could jump out of a, out of an airplane, afraid of spiders. I have all these tarantulas sitting on my skin. This is duplication, by the way. So anytime I have charged with that, I’m like, okay, I have to move through it.

[00:20:57] Juliette Karaman: I said yes, I’ll train with you. So I trained with him, learned how to hold a beautiful safe container, a safe place for people to really relax and let go. So what started happening is that I kept having these women that, that came to me that had horrific Rape stories. People in their, from their youth, from early on that had been cystectomy

[00:21:31] Juliette Karaman: people that had been from their youth, being youth, being used by. brothers, friends, and had never been able to speak about it. Had never been able to have really good intimate relationships with their husbands, with their boyfriends. It always broke off at some place. So they came to me and we, and I created together with them.

[00:21:56] Juliette Karaman: So really we created this where they felt safe enough that through impact, through flogging, through rope, where they actually felt bound but at the same time so safe, they could reach these static states and let go of their trauma. Let go of all these years of trauma having been embedded. in their lives, embedded in their bodies.

[00:22:27] Juliette Karaman: And some of them had tried to commit suicide, one of them, her daughter had committed suicide, and all of this is that created such a safe container for them to feel seen, to feel heard. To feel safe enough to actually start to explore where they can create, where they can be held by a woman that has gone through it and that has actually moved through it.

[00:22:59] Juliette Karaman: So I kept changing it and kept improving on it, used lots of hypnotherapy with it. All the tools that I learned, I started bringing into this.

[00:23:11] Juliette Karaman: So when people talk about dominatrixes, and when they talk about doms, dominant man, they seem to forget That we are the ones that really hold a beautiful, safe space. So we see, we energetically feel, because we’re very sensitive people, we feel what’s going on. We can notice, we can track every sensation, every breath.

[00:23:41] Juliette Karaman: Body sensation, the way the breath in is, where does it expand and where is there tension in the shoulder, where does it expand the ribcage, what’s going on, where are there blockages? And that’s what we can work on energetically. At the moment I use spinal attunement with it. Even more to open people up.

[00:24:01] Juliette Karaman: But people seem to forget because they have this idea of a dominatrix wearing thigh high leather, or suede boots and being a certain way and being angry and that could be part of it. There are some people that actually really get off on that and I’m not going to yuck your yum because That’s what you do.

[00:24:25] Juliette Karaman: But the way that I used my BDSM was to create healing, to create a gateway. to orgasmic bliss, to actually feeling cosmic orgasms, to feeling so one with the universe that the body responds, lets go of all that charge, releases it, shakes. And then we start putting in new patterns, we’re putting in, rewiring new patterns into the brain.

[00:25:02] Juliette Karaman: To recreate safety, to recreate a place of well being, of being held, of knowing that we can start asking for what we want. We can start saying no, but oftentimes it started with actually Impact and rope feeling really tight but feeling held. So that’s a crosswire that I told my sisters on this four days and four evenings that we really delve deep and into each other’s minds and to each other’s businesses and talk.

[00:25:46] Juliette Karaman: That, no, I’m not the normal BDSM, I’m not the normal Dom that might be a healer during the day and then changes into her BDSM kit or into her Dom kit. But what I’ve really used it for is deep healing. And of course I used it with men as well who, because we seem to forget that men also have a lot of trauma and can have a lot of sexual drama on board from other men.

[00:26:14] Juliette Karaman: from priests, from women actually, from mother figures. And we tend to forget because they are So strong in society, these big CEOs that sometimes they want to come to a place where they can actually relax, where their whole nervous system can feel deeply held. So that, my loves, is how I help.

[00:26:45] Juliette Karaman: With BDSM and how I use BDSM for sexual healing, for sexual liberation, for sexual unity, for union with the divine. It’s not for everyone, definitely. If this has struck a chord with you, if you’re like, Oh, there’s something there, I’m starting to vaguely have some, maybe some shapes, maybe some images are coming through, maybe there are little flickers of thoughts, of emotions arising in you while you’re listening to this, or there are body sensations happening through your body.

[00:27:29] Juliette Karaman: Now this is my time that I would say, listen to that. Reach out to me. I do this work one on one. Because it needs a really safe container. I would love to start. Creating a container so that more women can feel held in a group container. So that is something that will happen in the future. But in the meantime, this is the work that I do on my Scrumptious Experience VIP.

[00:27:58] Juliette Karaman: Days in my two days or my weekends or my week long experiences. They are in the multiple thousands of pounds. And one day there will be. More accessible way of doing it. But at the moment, this is how I hold you. So reach out to me for that. And in the meantime, please join a spinal attunement so that you can actually start feeling the energy coursing through your body and what it’s like to start feeling safe and to start to unravel that energy without having to go into the mind, without having to go into the story of what is.

[00:28:45] Juliette Karaman: As always, share this with your friends, share this with a family member, with someone that you think may need to hear this. And please, if you do share this, take a screenshot of it and let me know, send me a message on my Instagram, julietcaraman, and I will happily gift you a spinal attunement session.

[00:29:10] Juliette Karaman: All right, my loves. Much love. And remember to breathe. For you, for those of you, if this was intense for you, listening to someone else’s story, give yourself that gift of just sitting with it a little bit. Noticing where you might want to react, respond. Breathe. Drink some water. Go out into nature. Salt baths always help.

[00:29:38] Juliette Karaman: Any, good nourishing food helps just to ground you and to get you back into your body. And then start maybe journaling or voice recordings wow, this is what came up for me when I heard her story. Much love.

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