Episode 36 From Good Girl to Scrumptious Maven: Kristin Wilder’s Journey to Authentic Love and Pleasure

The Scrumptious Woman EP36

Sun, Nov 05, 2023 1:16PM • 25:01

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

people, love, bit, feel, pleasure, life, live, birth doula, clients, blueprints, deal breakers, meeting, scrumptious, amazing, marriage, leaving, celibacy, orgasmic, beautiful, relationship

SPEAKERS

Kristin Wilder, Juliette Karaman

Juliette Karaman  00:00

All right. Well welcome everyone again to this scrumptious woman. I have my beautiful guest, Kristen Walter. And she is incredible. So I’m going to just tease you with some of the language as a pleasure Maven, living permission slip, accidental rebel. warship full hermetic. Holy freak, and mirror of truth. Kristin is a transmission of unconditional love her specialities are the erotic blueprints, devotional kink, somatic Shibori storytelling, as well as a tonne of other programmes am I going to list them all? But I love how you really bring heart so spirit, body and deep presence into everything. And then there’s a whole bunch of birth doula bit of religion, but of all kinds of stuff and tell me you have you’ve been on quite a journey, Madame. Megan,

Kristin Wilder  01:13

such a journey. Yes. Wow. It’s amazing to be here now.

Juliette Karaman  01:20

I am so pleased to have you and I’m just looking at this 500 breath do births as a doula 11,000 coaching clients, it’s like okay, you have quite the track record.

Kristin Wilder  01:34

Okay. Coaching hours, I would say not, not specifically love it does the clients but yeah,

Juliette Karaman  01:39

I say clients.

Kristin Wilder  01:44

I love I love being present with people. And routine is so similar to birth work. We’re just walking people through transition

Juliette Karaman  01:53

completely. I mean, I’ve been a death doula quite a few times and continue to be that. So I hear you very much where either being born or dying or catching it is how can we be present? How can we have that curiosity and not jump to conclusions immediately, right?

Kristin Wilder  02:13

Absolutely. That’s the gift. Yes.

Juliette Karaman  02:18

I love it. I love it. But I love that like play on words. Oh, my God. Pleasure. Even tell me more about all of this. Oh,

Kristin Wilder  02:27

my goodness. Well, actually, it came about that that intro paragraph came about for a retreat I was doing with a friend and she said, Okay, I know you have all the education and the certification. But let people know what they’re gonna feel when you’re with you. Let them know who you are on the inside underneath all the pieces of paper on your wall. And so at that point, I described myself I’m a shapeshifter. How do you take someone with this, you know, raised in a cult ultra conservative background that becomes a sex coach. How do I make this make sense? And so pleasure Maven was the first one that came to me, which was Maven like this. That’s kind of this age. I feel like I’m in now in my mid 40s. Juice here are luscious, more alive, more orgasmic, more connected. more humble. Mark, there’s no more pretending anymore.

Juliette Karaman  03:22

I know right? Just waiting to get your cheese. That’s right, I was like never thought I love my 50s this much but it’s so true. Because all the outside how you should be and all that like external stuff kind of just drops away. And you’re gonna be real with yourself with your body. What is pleasure mean to you? Pleasure? Maver. It’s like, is it actually just being present with yourself? They’re just saying what is sensation for? Oh,

Kristin Wilder  03:57

even eating a blueberry and a chia seed pudding. Dessert can be orgasmic. Right if you’re really present in the moment. pleasures everywhere. So yeah, I feel like I’m not old. I’m just getting started. This juiciness this lusciousness this aliveness keeps growing. I

Juliette Karaman  04:19

love it. And you didn’t always used to be a coach or a birth doula me you’re just alluded to growing up in a religious cult conservative.

Kristin Wilder  04:31

Oh, I call myself the former gold star following you know a plus. Good girl. That was it. I was be best at following the rules and having this perfect appearance. So that’s why I also use that that accidental rebel because yeah, I ended up leaving that organisation and leaving my marriage and Leaving unhealthy places, spaces and even old identities that didn’t define me anymore. So I went from the super super good girl to now being able to be a different kind of good girl.

Juliette Karaman  05:13

And it’s so cool because I was speaking to another guest today we were talking about gold stars so much so I love our line. This is then where also Yeah, we’re talking about a lot of childhood trauma and, and just like how we are leaving personas and personalities and identities that we took on, because we had a goal right there, there was a certain thing that you know, we we had some kind of goal, this, this was our upbringing, we had to be a mother, we, we are mothers. So our goal is to keep our children safe and etc, etc. But once you can actually unshackled from them, and you know, not unshackled from your responsibilities as a mother or as a wife, or as whatever, but recognising that this is what’s holding you back from really being in the totality of who you are. That’s what’s happening. This is cool.

Kristin Wilder  06:12

Yeah, Ruby has this amazing quote about being bold and ruining your own reputation. And I know you’re a human design person, I’m a five one. So that’s the heretic. And so I’ve learned, wow, I live in this projection field people see me and think they know about me. And so choosing to be known more for who I really am not who people wanted me to be maybe has made my life so much more Fruitful And Joyful and just

Juliette Karaman  06:47

free. Delicious. Ah, there’s this this is what it’s all about that energy. I call it sculptures. And that’s because yeah, they kind of liked on words like orgasm and pleasure. So Mike scrumptious, the life Qi the whatever we call it, and whatever. Yeah. They didn’t state it. Everyone has called it something else. Its energy, right? That energy that runs through us. And then when other people come in contact with that, it’s like, Oh, can we have more can we have? And then the whole world just turns on, and it’s like, oh, we don’t have to lead a mediocre life. We don’t have to lead this life that just doesn’t,

Kristin Wilder  07:30

doesn’t suit us. Now, not at all. I looked back, and I think I was so tiny. And so scared. I didn’t want to take up any space, or voice or cause a problem. Oh, my goodness. And so it’s so amazing to be able to just be fully expressed in every single iteration, every facet, every nuance.

Juliette Karaman  07:54

Beautiful. That gives me a beautiful way in to ask you a little bit more about your private life because there have been some softening, right?

Kristin Wilder  08:04

Yes, yes, yes. Yes, we are both. You and I are both certified through accelerated evolution. And it’s called the warrior stage Academy. And when I first went through that training, I wrote down a desire. I am desiring to marry my warrior sage love by a warrior in the heart, the spirit, the mind of a seeker and a student and a teacher. And I found him my erotic blueprints in my dating to really get clear on who am I and what do I really desire? Who am I calling in? And what is the relationship that I want to create? And we actually just got married in June.

Juliette Karaman  08:56

Congratulation.

Kristin Wilder  08:59

Yeah, and I found a man who? Well, um, his ring says, he’s going to cry, love it. His ring says, I am my Beloved beloved, which we got Sati and his wife, Suzanne, and when I heard that, I say, Yes, that’s it. So I feel so rich in my identity as the beloved as His Beloved. And then him being mine. It’s so beautiful. So yes. The formerly Good girl, ex Christian cult member various the pagan Buddhist friends, it’s been amazing.

Juliette Karaman  09:42

Isn’t that cool? But what I love about this story is where you start it where you want and it’s not a straight trajectory. It’s like up and down and around and then up a bit and what I what orgasm what The whole flow of life with scrumptious nose is right, we go up, we go down, we don’t know, like, whoa, hold on for life, you know, are we doing this like, yeah, and we’re gonna trust it. And it’s the right next step. And you also have children right along the way. Yes,

Kristin Wilder  10:16

we have three teenage kids between us 14 in. So we’re in the thick of it with parenting. And actually, I do want to share this little tidbit with you. Because I haven’t shared this publicly yet. His dating profile. The first three words were celibacy, sobriety and therapy. Okay, and then later on, it said, swipe right if you’ve done your shadow work, and I was like, yes. So I’m leaning in. Yes. So it was such, it was such an affirmation. For 18 months after my divorce, I didn’t date at all, I was terrified, because I came from like courtship in the church background. So learning to navigate online dating was such a struggle and challenge. But I was single for six years. And I got to really find out who I was and meet gloriously wonderful humans, and work on myself.

Juliette Karaman  11:21

And as one actually pause there for a moment, and just really anchor this in. So for six years, you’re working on yourself, you’re really getting to know yourself, you are starting to really form a relationship with self. This is what I call self these days, the self relationship expert, because that’s the only thing I can help people with their relationship with self. Yeah. And isn’t that the most important relationship in the world that we have? Yeah, from there on, we can go further. So I just want to reiterate this to our listeners, when you really start to love yourself, when you start to know yourself so well. Then things drop into your lap, then you really can start pulling in that man or that woman that you want or the relationship, the job that you are, all of a sudden things start just happening for you. And not to you. Right?

Kristin Wilder  12:23

Yeah, I got so intentional and focused, I built a little devotional space, and sat in front of it every day, built a little altar with, you know, my, like, representations of the divine masculine and feminine and really deliberately got very, very focused, I collared myself in a kinky colouring ceremony just for me, which was like, I belong to me. My Yes. And my No, my heart belonged to me. So if I choose to share it, it’s gonna be someone worthy. Someone who’s all in with me. Oh,

Juliette Karaman  13:05

I love this. So really taking that time taking the Ceric bringing ceremony into your own space. You’re a bit of a bit of your blueprints. And then it’s just like, oh, I yeah, I’m honouring myself. Yeah.

Kristin Wilder  13:25

Yeah. So we both came from a period of celibacy, just completely and totally focused on ourselves, which left us so free and clear, to be open with each other, show up with that same curiosity and awe. There’s a sense of awe and wonder about it.

Juliette Karaman  13:46

So delicious. So June, so you’re June, July, August. I mean, September you are a very new bride.

Kristin Wilder  13:56

Very new bride. Yes. Absolutely.

Juliette Karaman  14:01

What is he think? Your job helping people with kink with sexuality, sensuality, expression? Birth, death, rebirth.

Kristin Wilder  14:16

He loves it. Yeah, he’s so supportive, encouraging. And he’s probably my biggest fan. He tells everyone he meets all about his wife and sends me clients all the time. He’s like, Oh, you need to go to a session with her. Oh, you need to book a call. Because he had this huge breakthrough. He had had a huge block in his own life from a previous relationship that he was still healing and had been resting from. And so to be able to see him is his experience, even with me in partnership was was so profound and transformative that he he can’t stop talking about it.

Juliette Karaman  14:57

I love it. I love it. I’m I got a beautiful story. So if you could give people that are leaving a marriage that are starting over, if you could give them three concrete tips, what would be the three takeaways that you would give clients on this path right now?

Kristin Wilder  15:20

Leaving a marriage and then beginning to date again and look for love. Ah, the first one will be take your time. I’m so grateful for the waiting and the growing that I went through, I would not be the person I am. Now if I had met him three months after my divorce, I needed to evolve fully single, fully myself get to enjoy knowing myself. So number one, take your time. Number two, be radically honest about who you are. And what you’re really looking for. There’s a lot of people who will play was I don’t really know what I’m looking for it just exploring

Juliette Karaman  16:09

what it is that you would ask yourself to really get to know what you want?

Kristin Wilder  16:15

Well, it’s something I’m exploring with clients with my green flag dating programme, helping them it’s not an overnight thing, you’re not going to three tips are amazing, but they’re not going to like not only get people to take home, but it won’t be everything. Well, you asked the question again, because I got excited.

Juliette Karaman  16:34

Because Okay, so you were saying be radically honest with yourself, that was your number two. So how do you start becoming radically honest? What are what are what are one or two ways of starting this?

Kristin Wilder  16:47

I think it’s getting really clear on what your deal breakers and non negotiables are. Like, for me, no breaker is living with addiction. That will not pass. Right? Like that’s just an automatic Not gonna happen. Okay, so now the deal breakers? No, no, the the like, the No, those things that just won’t work. And really be honest about yourself. Like, for me, I know that sexuality is a huge part of who I am. I really wanted someone to talk to about these things openly to explore, to be willing to try new things to grow with me. And so that was something I was like, I’m not going to compromise on that when they have to be sex positive, right? And then not necessarily meeting with that in my online profile. But being very clear in communicating, hey, this is who I am. This is what I do. Beautiful. number two and number three, Oh, wow. I didn’t expect this one. It was be willing to be so vulnerable. So trusting that you do take that all in free fall of trust. So many people go around guarded and protective shielding their own secrets and worrying about red flags with somebody else. And love is risky. So I don’t mean being reckless. But I do mean being radically, real and open. Like here is my heart. This is me. This is me. Yeah. I love that. So somebody else if it’s not a fit, that’s not a rejection of me. That’s just gratitude for acknowledging, okay, that’s not a fit. That is celebrated. Recently, she said, You guys are so weird. But you are perfectly weird for each other. And that’s that’s so true. Exact nothing else bit. Of course.

Juliette Karaman  18:41

I get this with my partner Alex for toe to toe. He’s like, Oh my God, you’re so weird. I’m like, Yeah, I am. But I’m gonna continue being this and like any saying please don’t change at all. And I love

Kristin Wilder  18:55

my why I just found it the fourth. This saved us. Oh, good. You know, I have this energetic blueprint. And so like, I usually take my time with people and build over time and tend to be a little bit distrustful of something that’s super hot and heavy and fast in the beginning. And I fell hard for this man. Like it was It wasn’t just meeting it was recognition. But a part of me there was a part of me that was like, be careful. Look out take your time. And I wrote to a friend and said, I’ve never experienced anything like this, but I am terrified. And he responded and he said presence, not pastes. And that grounded me back in my body. Presence not pace, which is how do I feel in my body with this person right now? Do I feel comfortable? Soft, relaxed? am I leaning in? Am I myself? Am I shielded guarding fearful Like, something not fit? Is there a dis ease or discomfort here? And so whenever I had that thought of like, Is this okay? To be this short? Really? I would come back to presence not

Juliette Karaman  20:16

such a good one right to just bring it back to presence what’s going on in our bodies? What are we feeling? Right? Oh, so like, Okay, can we open a little bit more than what we feel like the edges of it, perhaps? Can we stay with just a tiny bit more

Kristin Wilder  20:37

fun, have a good time, like, plan a part two, marriage 2.0. It gets to be better, everything that we’ve failed and lost. messed up. We get to bring all of that experiential learning with us to be wiser. And to have more fun. So you learned the hard way. So now I get to enjoy all of it. Because of everything you’ve been through marriage 2.0.

Juliette Karaman  21:04

I love that. I’m engaged where we haven’t picked a date yet. Because I’m like, No, we’ll do a long engagement. I love it just being engaged at the moment because I don’t have that real need to be married. It just kind of feels really good. And at one point, we’ll just decide to get married and then do big party afterwards of

Kristin Wilder  21:28

our kitchen table in June. And we’re not having a wedding until November and it’s gonna be fun and funky. And that’s okay.

Juliette Karaman  21:37

I think that’s just beautiful. Because I’m thinking yeah, our five kids, I’m like, Oh, my live all over the world. I’m like, You know what, let’s do something at one point when it feels good to us. And then afterwards, we’ll do a little party, we’ll do something fun.

Kristin Wilder  21:51

Let’s do it. It’s so all the pressure and stress is off. And it just gets to be joyful and celebratory, which is really what it’s all about.

Juliette Karaman  22:01

Completely, right. And I see this where it was where people go so wrong. So I got I need the perfect dress than the perfect person the perfect. Like, what am I we just actually love where we are right now. And then if it happens, it happens. It’s perfect. And we’ll just see how we get it to be. You alluded to something green flags, is that one of your programmes. Yes,

Kristin Wilder  22:22

green flag dating. It’s a system that helps people over the really, really difficult learning curves that I have saved you a lot of time and effort and heartbreak. So I love this. I love helping people make dating fun instead of exhausted

Juliette Karaman  22:41

completely. I love it. Love it. So please let us know how people can find you. We will share it in the show notes. But I also want me just to actually say it out loud. Yeah. What are what are your things where you know what,

Kristin Wilder  22:55

where should they start with you? Oh, yes. Well, my website is my name Kristin. wilder.com. So KRISTINW I L D. E r.com. And then I’m on Instagram at Wilder intimacy, and I’ll get my email address. So it’s Kristen, at Kristen wilder.com. Because I do have some really fun, sexy, erotic blueprints, lists that people might want in an e book with some tips. And let’s see where else I’m on LinkedIn. I don’t do a lot on social media, honestly, most of my clients or referrals from current from current clients. So I’m not trying to hide I’m just not always out there. But the website has ways to book with me for a free call. Perfect. Yeah,

Juliette Karaman  23:50

I love it. I’ve had so much fun with you. I can just feel your vivaciousness and your Oh, your your openness, your pleasure. You’re really presence of everything of what is right.

Kristin Wilder  24:07

Yeah, we get to live in orgasmic juicy turned on aliveness just in the flow every single day. Beautiful. What are three words that you want to give to our listeners? Oh,

Juliette Karaman  24:23

did you use them up a bit today?

Kristin Wilder  24:26

Oh juicy, luscious and bold.

Juliette Karaman  24:33

Oh, sounds good. Juicy lashes involved. So that is it my darling listeners. Please look in the show notes for Kristen’s contact details hit her up. She is an incredible coach. Thank you so much for being on my lab. My pleasure,

Kristin Wilder  24:57

my honour. Thank you, Juliet.