Episode 34 From Florist to Empowered Coach: Franceska McCaughan’s Journey to ‘Surthriving’ Challenges

The Scrumptious Woman EP34

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

Florist, Empowered Coach, Surthriving, Healing, Journey, Human, Design, Personal Development ,Business Retreats, Luxury Retreats, Botswana, Africa, Receiving, Giving Love Languages, Self-discovery, Transformation, Abundance, Inner Leadership, Emotion.

Juliette Karaman (00:01.366)
Welcome to the Scrumptious Podcast, the Scrumptious Woman Podcast. Well, this is this has been quite a morning. The technology has not worked. I have with me my incredible guest, Francesca, who is just this entrepreneur that has a multitude of incredible tools on board and has helped women and entrepreneurs along the way. And I can’t wait to.

dig into your story a little bit and to really have you express what it is, who you are more than what you do.

Franceska McCaughan (00:38.987)
Oh, that’s so good. I love that. Something that’s really landing for me right now that has made the biggest difference in my life in the past just three years has been really deconditioning this addiction for accomplishment. And I really owe that grittiness. Like there was a time that I really found myself worth in like how gritty I could be just due to a lot of unresolved personal childhood trauma that

you know, culturally and society wise, I was praised for being a really successful entrepreneur and, you know, being on my entrepreneurial journey now for over a decade. But it really has been most recently in the past really three years that I’ve been able to, in a way, separate, untangle the energetics between success and achievement and, like I said, this addiction to accomplishing something.

to really looking at how do I want to live my life, what is a version of me as an entrepreneur without all the achievements, without all the validation.

Juliette Karaman (01:49.378)
I got I love how this we just went on a real completely different journey. This is try three because you know, that are genetics and whatever in the tech just didn’t work. And I love the way that it’s twisted into yes, you have a shit ton of trauma and childhood drama on board. And, you know, we’re going to talk about that in your book and everything else. And really this addiction to.

Franceska McCaughan (01:55.504)
Yeah, we did.

Franceska McCaughan (01:59.603)
in your genetics.

Juliette Karaman (02:17.666)
performance to wanting to be validated to like doing and recognizing that that’s actually probably not in alignment with the values that we have and how often we gloss over that because we want to be perceived as the you know whatever the sixth figure the seventh figure the eighth figure queen whatever it is and then

Franceska McCaughan (02:18.853)
Mm.

Juliette Karaman (02:41.458)
Yeah, sometimes it needs a bit of an awakening. It’s like, oh, is this really what I want for my life? What happened with you? Is that something that happened to you?

Franceska McCaughan (02:49.683)
Absolutely. 2020, the pandemic for me, I was running a very successful floral design business internationally. I had locations in Dubai, Dallas, Houston, and working with all the dream clients you could possibly want, Tiffany & Co., Chanel, JW Four Seasons, et cetera. And when the pandemic hit, naturally, a lot of those clients had to take a step back. And so what happened to me was I found myself in my closet.

for two weeks questioning who I was as a person, if my friends would wanna be friends with me because I no longer was shiny enough, I no longer had a big bank account, like I was terrified, because I felt like my entire life, I was really out running this feeling of like never being good enough. And it was always, you know, I would outwork anyone in a room and you would tell me jump and I would say how high and like that is really where I got all my validation from. And so when the world came to a screeching halt,

I think a lot of us who kind of felt like we could skip the class on emotional intelligence and just, you know, outwork anyone in the room, like that kind of really basic mentality of survival mode, which obviously got us up, you know, to where we are at that point, but is not going to take us to the land of desire that we truly want, really caught up with us. And so my moment of…

Juliette Karaman (04:09.588)
me.

Franceska McCaughan (04:13.219)
Am I even a funny person? Which is, it sounds very generic, but when you’re in that moment, it is a really rock bottom for your sense of self and your identity was really in 2020.

Juliette Karaman (04:24.89)
Thank you and that feels so real and I love that you said, you know, I was sitting in my closet. I’m like, oh yeah, I can actually relate sitting, you know, like piles of clothes, like let’s actually then clean up the clothes, you know, let’s see what I can move energetically so what I can shift so that this energy of actually not feeling great can move and then sometimes it’s like, oh perhaps we need to stay in this a bit and also what I wanted to point out

Franceska McCaughan (04:37.842)
Yeah.

Franceska McCaughan (04:47.659)
Mm-hmm.

Juliette Karaman (04:54.25)
is a lot of listeners probably know a lot about trauma but might not realize that overworking and having that trying to have that much control is also one of the outcomes or is how trauma and especially childhood trauma manifests in later life and just to put a little spotlight on that and it’s like bring a bit of awareness kind of thing like oh

Franceska McCaughan (05:15.205)
Mm-hmm.

Juliette Karaman (05:21.726)
might I be doing something like that and I’m actually not realizing it.

Franceska McCaughan (05:26.111)
Mm-hmm, absolutely. And it’s again like friends would point it out or they would say I don’t know anyone that works as hard as you do Or again, it’s like this praise especially as survivors of childhood trauma that it’s like yes, I’m being recognized Yes, people see my worth and we don’t stop in question because we’ve never really had this luxury and our brain hasn’t been really wired To be like, but am I living my fullest truth? Am I being recognized for my gifts?

Do I love myself? Do I love myself in this moment? Because again, we’re just on autopilot. So for me personally, I really needed, even though it was very difficult, I needed that huge reset because, I’ve talked about this before, everyone has some sort of addiction when we’re trying to bypass healing, when we’re trying to hold on to old coping mechanisms that are no longer working. And we don’t realize it, but one of the really common addictions is work.

and his performance and is the like, how much bigger can I be, can you give me a gold star kind of mentality because then it just furthers our drive and addiction to achievement.

Juliette Karaman (06:33.93)
And I love this, can you give me a gold star? Because, you know, I mean, I’ve got four kids and I brought them up with gold stars. Definitely, that was the period of giving kids gold stars, right? Like you showed up, yay, you get a gold star. Which, you know, now if you look at that generation, they’re like kind of show up at work and like, hey, come on, I’m here, do I get a gold star?

Franceska McCaughan (06:47.74)
Exactly.

Franceska McCaughan (06:53.683)
Where’s my gold star?

Juliette Karaman (06:56.17)
So really what, and I see, you know, and the funny thing is like, of course, I was a bit into personal development, but definitely not to the point that I am now. And I’m kind of like, oh, okay, great. And I get the double whammy. It’s like, yes, I see what, you know, what, what I am the product of my parents and what society and everything. And then I see, Ooh, what did I actually implement on my kit? So like, whoop, okay, fucked up anyway, awareness and.

You just kind of live with the consequences and just bring in a lot of amends and actually get them to realize, okay, you know, these might’ve not been the way so I do things now. And that was the best instruction booklet that I had at that point. But it’s really, yeah, go ahead.

Franceska McCaughan (07:34.987)
Yeah, and Juliette, we have to, I was just gonna say we have to remember our souls chose us as a vehicle in this lifetime. And so we knew that we were going to have the parents that we did, like your children knew that they were gonna, they chose you as their mother and they needed to learn or unlearn whatever it is that they came into this world with. And so I feel like when we have that awareness and we accept that,

as our truth, and I know when I first heard this, it really triggered me, because I was like, there would be no way that I would choose the childhood that I had, but actually looking back in hindsight, it was exactly what I needed to fill, to go through my own lessons, my own life lessons, but also to fulfill what is my soul’s mission. And I think that gives us a lot of grace when we realize that at the end of the day.

This is all orchestrated. We’ve chosen all of this, the hardships we’re going through. We’ve manifested this in some way, not because we like to feel pain, but because that’s part of the human experience of evolution.

Juliette Karaman (08:39.442)
And I love that you brought it to this and I can already hear or feel like the contraction of some people saying, oh, what the fuck? How did I? Yeah. Like I remember when I first started, when I first remembered my date rape, right? This happened when I was 18 and I just chapped it out of the car because my psyche and body just couldn’t handle it. So that’s one of the ways to deal with trauma. You just gloss over it, it doesn’t happen and you just bury it.

And it wasn’t until I started working on it, until I actually had a physical remembrance with a vlogging session that I remembered everything in flashes and everything came back and I realized I need to duplicate and move through it. But I remember when I first started working with that, I’m like, well, why the fuck? I mean, I didn’t invite these five guys to date, right? Me and then beat me up and come out all bloody and think that I’m not going to actually live.

And then it was actually like, well, where did I actually call in this exact thing so that I can help others process it and just see that is something that happened to me? That doesn’t define me. It’s part of that experience, which, you know, that’s my soul in this human body that just wants to have this adventure because it kind of feels like we are on an adventure, right?

Franceska McCaughan (09:46.404)
you

Franceska McCaughan (10:04.619)
Oh yeah, like a video game. And I’m not trying to make light of life and certainly the traumas that you’ve been through and like majority of people listening right now, there’s a logical side of our brain that likes to say, well, it shaped me and I can help impact others. And I think that’s a really beautiful positive spin that we can put on something that was at one point felt excruciating. And it’s…

Again, going back to Grace, like giving ourselves that gift of healing as and when we feel ready to do it. And, you know, I still remember getting into a fight on my wedding night and punching my husband because I just felt like it was too close, it was too fast. It’s still having that visceral protection in us. And I have carried so much guilt for that. And then just writing the book and…

I’m getting goosebumps right now, like just being with that version of myself and really understanding like, why was that the reaction? And why wasn’t I able to put this away? Or like you said, put it under the rug. And it’s like, cause I never really gave myself the gift of what’s happening here. What did you need 30 years ago that brought you to this point in this moment where it was an absolute crisis and…

And also having other people in our life, right? We’re co-creating these experiences with other souls on this planet. It’s like, why did I call this in? What can I learn from this? But giving ourselves the space and the grace to heal from a place of non-judgment. And sometimes that’s the tiniest baby steps. Sometimes that’s a transformational session. It just, I think it just really depends how ready we are to receive that.

Juliette Karaman (11:50.718)
Completely. And I keep saying, you know, awareness is the first step towards self love. Really starting to be aware of those tiny little niggles. I’m like, oh, what? And patterns, you know, patterns. It’s not like, oh, I’ve done that. I’m finished. I’m never going to show up in my life again. It’s like, yeah, that’d be good. Except it’s kind of like, like a loop, you know, it’s kind of like that infinity sign. You go up a little bit, then you dip down, or you go up a little bit. And that’s just feels like what’s the ascension path is all about, right?

Franceska McCaughan (12:09.498)
Yes, you are.

Juliette Karaman (12:20.878)
And I love what you said. It’s like, I was so guilty about that for years. I mean, God, I used to be really angry at my husband. I’d throw like, whatever was near me, throw it in his direction. I was like, whoa, where did that come from? Right? And then the guilt that you feel for it for years, I’m like, oh my God, and I have anger management issues, and maybe I should get some help. And then once you really start looking at those parts, and it’s like, oh, I haven’t been able to express.

part of me for years, maybe even generational stuff. It’s come up in your DNA because of what happened to your grandparents, your grandmothers and oftentimes even much further back. And then once you start just putting a bit of light on that and being a bit of curious, laughing about it, that is when you can really start to feel things shift.

Franceska McCaughan (13:18.831)
Yeah, and I think there’s also something I want to touch on here. The shame that we feel, even if it’s subconscious, on feeling like we’re living a dual personality. So it’s like the person that we represent to the outside world and even to our friends and our family. And then the person that the intimate people in our lives…

get to have a piece of, so whether it’s our partners or our children, maybe a closer family member. But then there’s the innate relationship that we have with ourselves. So I also think there’s always this internal subconscious struggle, aka shame, that we feel like if we do show ourselves to the world who we truly are, it won’t be good enough. Or…

we know we’re representing a version of us that we would like to be, but we don’t know how to be that person today. And so I think there’s also a lot of like just energetic leaks that go around with keeping these two facades up, the one that we’re trying to hide and the one that we’re trying to present. So, you know, when I look back on this one incident,

Of course I had guilt around what had happened that night, but there was so much shame showing up the next morning in front of our friends and family and pretending we’re this happy couple. And I mean, this is how our 12 year marriage started. So, and it’s like, what do you wanna see? And it’s almost like, when I started my deconditioning of this addiction to achievement, it was like, what costume should I put on now? Like, what version of me do you wanna see now? And it comes so,

easily because again this was how a lot of us have lived our lives to get to this point and now that we’re in this paradigm of really about the individual and less about the tribe it’s something that’s no longer working for us we really need to retire these costumes and bring more of us to the to the forefront

Franceska McCaughan (15:12.591)
Like you said, like just being able to have that awareness, even in the smallest moments, and take back the parts of us that we think people wanna see. And I think that’s kind of the balance that we’re all looking for right now in this moment.

Juliette Karaman (15:25.522)
I love it. Take off the costumes and actually just be the bear you. Right. Beautiful. Now you kind of hinted at your book and we’re also, we’re kind of like, it’s kind of cliffhanger moment. Right. So you’re in your closet. You’re thinking, what the heck? You know, my clients have had to close down their, their businesses or take a step back. They can’t have any flowers. What up flowers? What am I going to do?

Franceska McCaughan (15:30.631)
Yeah.

Juliette Karaman (15:54.294)
what happened then. So let’s start then and that’s going to probably lead into your book.

Franceska McCaughan (15:55.216)
Yeah.

Franceska McCaughan (15:59.619)
Yeah, so I was not an overnight success in my healing journey, so I did what…

typical Francesca would do and I kicked into survival mode and thought, right, let’s get on it. And I started just talking openly about wanting to help women create businesses because at this point, there are a lot of really incredible women that had been let go in the professional world. They had always wanted to start a business of their own. I had an incredible track record and I genuinely just wanted to show up and help. And I think this next part of the story is gonna be really helpful for a lot of people because

I’m a splenic intuition and up until this point, I have never had any coaches. I have never, I’m also a one three. So naturally I’m here to like learn and life is my greatest teacher. And so.

Juliette Karaman (16:44.951)
I’m gonna just interject here. This is human design. For those of you that are like, what the heck is that? We’re talking about human design here.

Franceska McCaughan (16:48.891)
Yeah, sorry.

Franceska McCaughan (16:54.279)
Thank you, human design. And so essentially, like everyone has a different profile of how you operate in this world. Everyone has a very unique way of how they make decisions. And so I didn’t know any of this up until this point, but this is why I think this is important for those of you who wanna learn a little bit more about what your blueprint is or have knowledge of human design.

And so as I was speaking online about it, I started having people come in and say, hey, if you want to be a coach, you should do it this way and you should hire this person and you should take this kind of program. And so naturally survival mode overran intuition at that time and jumped into one of these programs, learned how to become a coach. And then I was told, don’t let a short-term circumstance impact a long-term result.

So while that was good advice, it kept me in the floral world. And so I went back to the floral world and I said, all right florists, you aren’t making any money right now. Of course, this is perfect for broad marketing and pain points. Let me show you how you can make money with hotels. And so I created this whole business called the Hotel Florist and in…

It has done extremely well. I’ve just recently published a book. I’ve helped clients create six, multiple six and seven figure businesses through hotel partnerships. And what I love about it is that it does create consistent income so that these florists are able to have a life outside of work. Because really in the floral industry, it’s all about weddings, events, retail, and it’s, you know, that busy badge of honor is really praised and you know, who can undercut who in pricing, there isn’t a lot of

what’s the word I want to use? There’s not a lot of integrity in the way that we present our talents, our crafts. And so I quickly realized that one, I had no idea who I was still, and two, I had no idea how to help these women, they were predominantly all women, with anything but strategy, because I myself had not learned really emotional intelligence or any kind of personal development. And so I thought, well, let me go learn that real quick.

Juliette Karaman (18:40.578)
Hmm.

Franceska McCaughan (19:06.755)
and then I can go and help these people better. So it always came from a real quick, let me just, everything about me up until about a year ago was like, let me go do this real quick and then I can move on. And so that’s what I did. I dove into human design. I had never felt more seen in my life. And then I started investing in personal development and coaching and I started really realizing that like, wow.

Juliette Karaman (19:09.567)
Right.

Franceska McCaughan (19:34.883)
I’m actually a pretty empty shell. Like it’s, I want to build this up. So then I started really focusing on myself until beginning of last year. And I thought, all right, universe, I’m ready to go and help these florists now. I have more emotional intelligence. I can help them with more than just strategy. And the universe was like, it’s time to write a book.

And I had this back and forth where I was like, I don’t want to write a book. I just really want to continue growing this coaching business. I want to be successful. Again, this addiction to achievement, like whatever my purpose is, let’s ignore it because I really want to go and be, I want my gold star. I haven’t gotten my gold star yet. And it was, I knew I always wanted to write a book ever since I was little. The things that I went through, I was like, I cannot be the only person that has ever gone through something like this. I always had this innate knowing. And so,

Again, I thought, all right, let me write this book real quick. I had a two-month window, which is asinine. And it was one of the biggest healing journey I’ve ever been on in my life. So many breakthroughs, so many meltdowns, so many losses. I felt like the day I declared I would be a multimillionaire, I lost everything.

zero dollars in my bank account, followers, like purpose, mission. It really felt like one by one, the universe just was just peeling back layers. And. It was something that I knew in my heart that my soul was completely on board with. But of course, the human is really panicking. But it gave me this deep exhale.

Juliette Karaman (21:05.922)
Yeah.

Franceska McCaughan (21:22.599)
that I think so many of us are looking for in our life. That is the greatest gift that no money can ever buy you, that no fancy insert here can ever give you, that no person can ever deliver for you. It’s like, it really truly is the one thing that no one can ever take away. And to have this book finally in the world next month is so surreal.

but also I have never been more ready for it. That’s a very long answer to your question.

Juliette Karaman (21:58.314)
So beautiful. So just for the listeners, because it will be a few weeks until this episode airs, by the time this episode is online, Francesca’s book, what is it called?

Franceska McCaughan (22:10.739)
called surthriving. So it’s not about surviving and it’s not about thriving, it’s about surthriving. So having a choice, choice to, you know, you can always change the what you’ve been through. Like you said earlier, it doesn’t define you. It’s something that is an innate building block of our story, of our past, of our impact, but we really can thrive in any situation.

Juliette Karaman (22:12.694)
there.

Juliette Karaman (22:18.606)
Thank you.

Franceska McCaughan (22:38.959)
and it all starts with just making that decision. So it’s called sir thriving.

Juliette Karaman (22:42.958)
Beautiful. So that will be out. The link to that will be in the show notes. So please have a look at the show notes later and just click on the things, you know, and get it because I’m dying to read it. Now, I know you do a completely different thing as well. And that is beautiful journeys and holidays that you take people on. Say more. And multi prenoir, right?

Franceska McCaughan (23:05.935)
Oh my gosh, yes.

Franceska McCaughan (23:12.255)
I’m so happy you brought that up because I, yeah, it’s, it’s just become part of who I am. So last year I brought a group of florists to Kenya and we spent 12 days in Kenya and it was incredible. We visited flower farms and that was when I was really on my personal, personal journey. And so I did a lot of personal development work with them. I was doing human design readings with them because later on I became a certified reader and just

anything that changed my life, I was so excited to give back in whatever capacity that I could. And then just recently, I took a private client to Paris. She really wanted a business intensive. She wanted to be taken care of and wined and dined. And my last retreat for this year is actually in Botswana, Africa. And it is a…

I have access to this reserve through a personal network that I’m part of, but it’s literally four different houses in this beautiful private reserve. You will not see another vehicle there where you literally have to land with a private plane to this property. You have private chef, private everything, and it’s my back to Seoul. And so it’s really reconnecting with.

who you are as a leader, what your soul’s mission is here to really give yourself either that connection with the land or the animals or to yourself. It’s seven nights, eight days. And yeah, it’s just a beautiful opportunity to anchor in what was of 2023 and really celebrate that and where you’re going in 2024. And I’m just, I’m really excited for the leaders that are going to join us.

Juliette Karaman (24:53.586)
have looked at the details and it looks absolutely scrumptious but it’s it finishes right before Christmas right I was like oh how am I going to make this and come back to wherever I need to go

Franceska McCaughan (25:02.267)
23rd.

Franceska McCaughan (25:07.079)
So I did it where it’s like the private plane leaves the 23rd in the morning, so you literally walk out of your house, get on the plane, you’re in Johannesburg before you know it, and then you’re off on your flight. So my promise is that you’re home before Christmas Eve, but it really is to lock in the end of the year, and I know that it’s around the holidays, so yeah.

Juliette Karaman (25:26.302)
It’s incredible. So is this open to only females or is it, are you looking for mix? What are you looking for or what do you have available still?

Franceska McCaughan (25:36.011)
I’m really, I’m open. I think mixed is great. I think people, if they wanna bring their partners, I’m more than happy to talk about how we can create a special price around that. I know that the first time I went to Africa, I brought my partner. My partner’s actually coming with me. And so I think for a while, I was like, this would be incredible for couples. But then I’ve had women reach out saying, I wanna just give this to myself as a gift. I’m like, that’s perfect. So I really think who it’s for is just a soul led.

leader visionary who is really looking to celebrate themselves, to discover a little bit more about themselves, to allow themselves like a, it’s a full reset button. I mean, it really is a pause out of your day-to-day life. We’re doing daily game drives once in the morning, once in the evening. If you feel called to, if you don’t want to join, you don’t have to. Every day we’re saying, hey, do you want to, you know, eat breakfast where the elephants are, or should we eat dinner by the river where the hippos are? I mean, it’s just this

I always love it, it’s a full reset for me because it really reminds you of not how small you are from an insignificant point of view but just like how restrictive you’ve made yourself and it really does when you’re looking out on the savanna and you look as far as your eye can see and you’re driving past a herd of elephants and brand new babies, all of a sudden you’re just, you have this new energy about…

You know what, I can actually take this up a notch. I can actually be a little bit more bold. I actually believe that this is a time for me to receive or for me to truly embody the version of me that I know I’m becoming. There’s something about Africa and just like going back to your roots that I have just never found that energy anywhere else in the world.

Juliette Karaman (27:22.186)
Mmm, I love this. I was going to ask what is your connection to Africa?

Franceska McCaughan (27:28.611)
I’ve been several times now. I’ve traveled to over 50 countries in the world. I love to travel. There’s just something about Africa where there’s so little, but there’s so much abundance. There’s so much luxury in just the time, the experiences, the relationships, the people you come across. For me, it just allows a beautiful reset. Just going to sleep underneath the stars.

It’s incredible.

Juliette Karaman (28:00.078)
And this is it, right? I mean, I’ve heard you say the word reset a few times now. And I believe also, I believe in the power of retreats, of spending some time away from your social media, away from maybe your kids and your spouse and whoever, but really coming back to your soul, coming back to what your essence wants. And what better way to do that is in nature. And for me, it’s like…

I’ve done a vision quest, but I was like, yeah, you know, camping and then, you know, trying to find my own water and food and stuff. That was all cool. But, you know, part of me is like my humans also like I’m 55 now. I do like a proper bed and a mattress and, you know, don’t know, particularly like luxury stuff. So, yeah, so this is why I’m like, oh, that’s much more up my street. And that’s how I liked.

Franceska McCaughan (28:41.851)
No, this is luxury version.

Juliette Karaman (28:53.27)
retreats where it’s like, okay, you come, you can just leave everything behind, everything will be taken care of for you so that you can emerge yourself completely in those five, seven, however many days it is, and that you can be, just be without having to do or think or, or whatever, but that the fullest version of you can come through.

Franceska McCaughan (28:58.822)
Yeah.

Franceska McCaughan (29:16.131)
I think also, like you said, there’s very few times in our life that we can actually just be. There’s so many roles that we fulfill in our daily life, whether it’s a partner, a parent, a friend, an owner.

a colleague and it’s just there’s very few times, even if you just look back in your past year where you’re like, when did I actually give myself the opportunity or the time to just simply be? And the best way that I can explain what this feeling feels like, what to expect as you leave, I think it’s what we all hope to feel after we have a good night’s rest. How many times have we wanted to make a decision and we’ve been agonizing about it and we’re like, you know what, I’m going to sleep on it. And then we magically think when we wake up, we’re going to be like,

like I know the answer and I feel so refreshed about it. No, we wake up still 80% of the time going, I don’t really know, oh my gosh, I thought I’d have it figured out by now. And so it’s that feeling of the, where you feel completely connected again to source because you are the source, you are the code. But sometimes it’s just, we’re.

It’s not allowed with how our current life is set up to truly tap into that. And that doesn’t mean, like you said, that doesn’t mean you have to like hike in the wilderness and find your own food and boil your own water. Like that’s one way to find it. And that’s an adventure, but I’m a projector in human design. I love all things luxury and comfort. And I think that, you know, giving yourself just space and also being spoiled and. Just giving yourself that time to be is such an incredible gift that, uh,

will pay off, I mean, a million times over. I’ve seen it in my own life, and that’s why I keep hosting these retreats.

Juliette Karaman (30:57.382)
I love it. And it’s funny, I remember when I first, some of my first retreats that I actually went to, I didn’t know how to receive very well. I was an over giver, recovering over giver. I’m raising my hand here. And I remember they would put me at effect and I’m like, what does that even mean?

They’re like, okay, here’s this big nice armchair. Here’s the little, little foot stool. You’re gonna put your feet up there. And every time you want something, you’re gonna learn how to ask for it. I’m like, what do you mean? I can just go get myself a coffee and make it myself. It’s like, no, we’d like you to go and ask for it and then ask it in exactly, specifically the way that you want it. So what kind of cup would you like it in? How hot? What kind of milk?

sweetener, no sweetener, is it sugar, is it honey, is it molasses, agave? So it was like, that was such a mindfuck at first. When you’re a mother of four and then at one point, you know, family of seven kids, over giving is kind of what I did and that’s how I landed in hospital, right? So that was my rock bottom. And then it’s just like, oh, I have to learn how to receive. And it feels actually really good for…

Franceska McCaughan (31:57.415)
Hmm

Juliette Karaman (32:16.462)
to give to me, it’s like because I didn’t know how to master receiving, it was actually quite selfish that you know I was constantly giving, giving and it didn’t feel very good for people because I was giving from, you know we hear this all the time, from an empty cup but I was feeling giving from an vessel that you know there’s not, you’re trying to give from an empty water glass. There’s just no water and there’s no juice. It doesn’t feel very juicy to give or to receive from that.

Franceska McCaughan (32:42.871)
No.

And I love that you’ve brought this up too, because that’s one of my greatest joys is to give, because I don’t give if I don’t wanna give, and there’s just this level of being able to spoil someone, but who they truly are and what they truly desire, and helping them discover that and find that. And the place that I rented in Paris used to be the offices of Pierre Cardin, a very famous French designer. And…

You know, it’s right in the first serendipity, and there’s gold everywhere, and it’s incredible. Like, it’s a work of art, and just hearing everyone walk in and just speechless, you know, that they’ve never stayed in a place like this before, and the fact that I can give that experience brings me so much joy, and I find certain dynamics, or I witness certain dynamics in my immediate family, where there are certain people that love to give, and there are certain people that…

refuse to receive because they wouldn’t want to give that way and it’s a constant reminder of Just because this isn’t your way to give when you shut this person down You’re actually really just rejecting a beautiful gift that they’re trying to give you just because you wouldn’t do it that way and it’s being again It’s having that awareness and being able to Receive from a person who genuinely wants to give right we have to trust in people in their power that that’s

what they want to do and receiving from a place of genuinely wanting to receive. And it’s up to us to communicate if we need it differently or if something’s missing. And this is the conversation now that I feel like is really starting to emerge in this individual paradigm. But giving and receiving is just, I mean, it’s happening every single day. It’s happening with our seasons. It’s, I mean, it’s all around us. It’s really our work to decode what feels good for us as givers and as receivers.

Juliette Karaman (34:38.114)
Completely. And this is where I love the love languages, but where I kind of like broaden it and saying like, Oh, what’s your receiving love language or what’s your primary? And then what’s your giving love language? Because often they’re very different. And it’s like, and how can you broaden your capacity to receive in all the love languages? You know, it might be gifts of gifts. It might be acts of service. It might be words of affirmation. You know, touch.

whatever it is or moments of togetherness, just kind of like, what is your primary language there and how can you start building capacity to receive all of this? Just kind of a fun pondering.

Franceska McCaughan (35:20.504)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Love that. And also just witnessing the people around us and being able to not make it about us. It’s so hard to do, but if I’m access service and my partner is physical touch, it’s not constantly thinking like, well, my gift is, or how I like to receive is, or how I like to give is. It’s like, how could I honor physical touch more? How could I start a conversation around what physical touch means to him? Because…

It’s also a gift to ourselves when we give, especially if it comes from a lot of love.

Juliette Karaman (35:59.362)
Completely. I love our little adventure in paradise that we’ve just been on for the last 36 minutes. Francesca, tell me, where can people find you? They’re like, okay, this woman has some incredible stuff. I want to get her book, but I also want to know how could I possibly work with her? How can I go on that retreat? How do we go to Botswana?

Franceska McCaughan (36:22.707)
I think the easiest thing is just to come hang out with me on Instagram. I’m there almost every single day just sharing bits of my life. I currently live between Germany and the U.S. So that in itself is interesting if you like to travel. I talk a lot about breaking cycles when it comes to childhood, abuse, trauma, poverty. I share a lot about my story. And then I also talk a lot about business, just what I’ve achieved up until this point, my coaching business and different ways that we get to work together, especially with human design. So I would just say come.

Hang out on Instagram, send me a DM that you’ve listened to this so I can connect with you more. And I just think that’s a great place to start in my world.

Juliette Karaman (37:00.75)
Perfect, perfect. Well, I will make sure that all of this goes into the show notes, Francesca McCoggan. And thank you so much for having me here, for having, for being on this show. Gosh, it would be good if I could speak English or any language for that matter. It’s been a real delight to have you on and really thank you for sharing some of these really deeper conversations.

Franceska McCaughan (37:29.031)
Thank you so much for creating the space, for the invitation, and for allowing us to have these conversations. I know people are really going to find them beneficial.