Episode 23 Breaking Free: Ayce Kyptyn’s Journey from Theologian to Non-Binary Trailblazer

The Scrumptious Woman EP23

Fri, Sep 22, 2023 4:13PM • 21:48

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

love, living, life, authentic selves, coach, recognised, year, bit, absolutely, pleasure, journey, theologian, family, space, executive, instagram, beautiful, world, sex, identity

SPEAKERS

Juliette Karaman, Ayce Kyptyn

Juliette Karaman  00:01

All right, well lovelies, we are here again. I’ve got the wonderful Ayce who’s a founder of Volitionary Life, and is currently living their best life in West Michigan. Born and raised in a small conservative Christian home,  Ayce spent time as it Thiele, logic,

Ayce Kyptyn  00:21

theologian, theologian.

Juliette Karaman  00:24

theologian, thank God for my not not not being well known executive leader before cup becoming a sexcellent Was he goat. So as you were assigned female at birth, and then you embarked on a deep journey, to embrace your masculine identity and identify as non binary? Absolutely. So I love that you are on this show. And I’m already putting my hand up, I might get it wrong. I might say she, he this that so you know, I’m already apologising, because sometimes we just fuck.

Ayce Kyptyn  00:59

It’s all good. But I know your intent. And that’s all that matters. Yeah. Yeah, I’m,

Juliette Karaman  01:05

I’m so happy to have you here. So it’s how this is gonna work. We’re we’re just going to chit chat for about 20 minutes and really bring people your story, right, because you have this nugget of truth, you have this golden nugget that you are bringing to the world. So take it away. How How did you start on this

Ayce Kyptyn  01:25

journey? Yeah, so as my bio said, I grew up in a really small conservative Christian house. And so from a very young age, I knew that I was trans masculine, but I didn’t really have the words for it. But I knew that I wanted to be a boy. And I was born a girl. And my family really struggled with that. So they recognise it at a really young age. I was like three or four, my mom and dad, they were like, Yeah, Amy was my, my dead name at the time. Really just lives a life that is more masculine, right. I was into boys things, toys, and going out and playing on the farm and making ramps and forts and those kinds of things. And so my family recognised it, but I wasn’t allowed to live out that lifestyle, right? Because Because of where I grew up. So at home, I could be myself. When I went out into town, I had to be a girl and I had to wear dresses, and I had to put on the show.

Juliette Karaman  02:24

And how was that kind of like living in?

Ayce Kyptyn  02:27

Yeah, it was hard. It was in I did that for 38 years. As a theologian, and as a Christian, it was one of those. Yeah. Holy. Yeah. So it was one of those. Sorry, excuse me.

Juliette Karaman  02:41

I just said holy macaroni, my goodness, me. Wow. right to

Ayce Kyptyn  02:46

live authentically as myself for a long time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And so I went, went on to whatever my whatever other people said, I should do with my life. I did, right. So I went to Christian school, and I went to college, I became a theologian. I worked for the church, like, I thought my life was heading in the right direction, according to the world standards, right. But inside I was dying. And I got to a point where everything in my life fell apart. It was, it was not really my my fault. I worked for a Christian organisation, they restructured so I lost my job. I lost my health, because I was repressing all of these feelings of being masculine. And so I ended up having back surgery and then emergency back surgery. Yeah, I went through a really, really dark period in my life where I had to come to the realisation that I wasn’t living my authentic self. And that because of that, it was actually it was killing me physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, everything. Yeah.

Juliette Karaman  03:59

Because that is, that’s heavy, right? Yeah, we often hear that, that we have to almost get to a breaking point, right? We almost have to reach rock bottom for things to change. And then you have the more people I have on my show, the more that I noticed that we’ve all had this aha moment. It’s like, I cannot go on this way. And it’s like, that was the point where you got to as well, absolutely.

Ayce Kyptyn  04:28

And I would not have probably changed my life. Had I not gone through the dark night of the soul, right? Had these things not happened? I would have kept living the life that I was living. And I would have been happy. I mean, I would have been successful in my career. But I wouldn’t have been authentic and I wouldn’t be living my best life, which is what I’m doing right now, which is really exciting.

Juliette Karaman  04:52

Beautiful. So tell us about that sweat and what happened when you actually made the switch when you shows you?

Ayce Kyptyn  05:01

Yeah, yeah. So there had come a point in my life where I just became numb. And I think a lot of people go through life where they just are not experiencing life. They’re not getting any joy out of it. They’re just living day to day, right?

Juliette Karaman  05:14

I’m raising my hand. A lot of us have gotten better, right? Yeah,

Ayce Kyptyn  05:20

yeah. And I got to a point where I was like, I can’t live this way anymore. So I hired a sex coach, actually, I learned. And they created a space for me that was really safe, right? So I could have conversations I could talk about, like, like my deeper inner longings. And I could really just be real with what I felt inside. And I could sit with it. And I could feel the emotions, and I could just kind of come at it from a completely different space. And that’s when my awakening happened was when I was willing to be vulnerable. And I had that safe space of someone to connect with.

Juliette Karaman  06:01

And it’s not a space that we all want to have, right that we all want to be heard, seen, understood. And basically loved, right. I mean, absolutely. I mean, our deepest core at our deepest essence is where we forget our perfection, we forget that actually, we can love ourselves and that we are loved. But we’re still looking for others to love us. And so that we feel Ah, what a beautiful story. So fast forward. This is now how many years ago?

Ayce Kyptyn  06:30

That’s that’s very soon. I mean, that happened in about the last two years.

Juliette Karaman  06:35

Oh, wow. Isn’t it? Yeah.

Ayce Kyptyn  06:38

Yeah. So I started transitioning from female to male back in January of 2023. So it’s just been about, you know, that I’ve been going through this process. Yeah.

Juliette Karaman  06:50

Since January. Yeah. And I knew because we’re in the same community. I knew that. Yeah, I’m putting, but I wasn’t quite aware of the timing of it. Oh, my goodness. So that is really, really, that’s what not even eight months.

Ayce Kyptyn  07:03

Exactly, yeah. Yeah. So I hired the coach a year ago. So we started this journey. You know, in August of last year, it took me six months to get really real with myself. And to get to the point where I was able to verbalise it and feel it and you know, identify with it and then made the decision and moving forward.

Juliette Karaman  07:21

Beautiful. So how did your, your parents had people around react, right? Because they know you as a certain person, and then all of a sudden, you’re changing this identity. So I’m, I’m sure they might have needed a bit of help along the hair as well.

Ayce Kyptyn  07:39

Yeah, yeah. I mean, since I became trans, where since I’ve recognised and realised that, for me, it seemed like a really natural progression, right. But it came to my family as a surprise, because I’ve been living sis for 38 years. And then all of a sudden, it’s like, oh, you’re doing this 180 turn in the other direction. And because they are conservative, and they’re Christian, it’s been a really hard journey for them. But they have acknowledged it. And they have come to the point where they say, We love you, and we’re going to be on this journey with you. Doesn’t mean it’s easy. I mean, it’s an incredibly difficult road with my family. But the irony in it is that I’ve found a community of people that absolutely have embraced me and loved me for who I am. And so, so yes, I have a community that’s struggling with it and having a hard time and then I have another community that’s fully embracing who I am. And they’re saying, Yeah, let’s do this. I’m in this. I’m in this video, I got your back. And that’s been one of the most healing processes for me is to know that I have I have that really strong support from even strangers, people that I didn’t know a year and a half ago, right.

Juliette Karaman  08:48

So it’s so cool. And I love how vocal you are about this and how you’re actually helping others out there. Right. So yeah, just drop in at the moment. How can people you know that you wrote it to me? How can people contact you? What is the is it vo

Ayce Kyptyn  09:07

N evolutionary fitness? Yeah, volition airy life.com. So I’m an Executive leader. And so I coach executives and so I don’t necessarily put this out there as something that everybody in the world knows and sees. Eventually they will they get to know me once they start to work, start working with me. But so my main website, you’re not going to see the sex coaching and the intimacy and identity that kind of thing, where you’ll see that is actually on my Instagram. So ace Kiptyn, you can follow me on Instagram or you can follow me on Facebook as well. And then I have a side a side website. So it’s evolutionary life.com backslash m two M, which basically means missionary to missionary, I went from being a field theologian, so like a missionary, the missionary in the bedroom and beyond. It’s kind of my inside joke that I have

Juliette Karaman  10:03

the little play on words there. Right. Good for you. Yeah, we’ll be honest shownotes I’ll make sure that Joe, our incredible producer has the proper show notes and has the proper proper Website and Links for everyone to follow. Because, yeah, this is this is what, what is real and what’s alive in this world right now I have a friend who her partner transitioned probably a little bit before you, year, year and a half before. Yeah, I think it’s probably two years now. But you know, we only had her talk their talk that big corrective surgery done probably a year ago. But it’s, it’s interesting how some people are really, really respectful of it. Some people want to understand and then there are haters out there, right. And that just bored with hate. And I’m like, How is it necessary to have someone feel outcast? Right? Like, like, like, why?

Ayce Kyptyn  11:10

Yeah, yeah. Well, we all want to be our own authentic selves, right? I mean, we don’t want to have to put on this charade, or this mask. So yeah, I agree with you. It’s really hard when some people are unaccepting of it and unable to see like, Hey, I’m just trying to live my life and exist and be happy, right?

Juliette Karaman  11:31

That’s it, I’m not a threat. And this and I’m just like, where do they get threatened? And part of it? That’s where I always try to come from put myself in someone else’s shoes, and really say, what is it in them that is getting hit theirs? Is it like, you know, people are supposed to look a certain way couples are supposed to be a certain way. I mean, I’ve gotten loads of loads of pushback on being in a certain age, and then still being in sex and intimacy, coaching and, and spirituality and my kids being Muslim, and you’re walking around of the Pacino’s T shirts, it’s like, I’ve gotten some of it, but probably not in the same time that non binary people get and get people to try and understand where they’re coming from.

Ayce Kyptyn  12:25

Absolutely. And all we desire is just a safe environment just to be. Right.

Juliette Karaman  12:31

And that’s it. Isn’t that where what we all want, right? Because if we really look back at the root cause of trauma and intense experiences, it’s that desire to be loved, and to be our authentic selves, or to be the perfection of who we are.

Ayce Kyptyn  12:51

Absolutely.

Juliette Karaman  12:52

Beautiful, beautiful. I love this conversation. And so you’re mostly executive coaching? Are you dipping your toe into the sex coaching a little bit? So?

Ayce Kyptyn  13:05

Absolutely, yeah. So I became a certified sex coach through their erotic blueprints. And so I’m moving full time in that direction. Working on it right now. So it’s a it’s a major shift, right to go from being in the executive room with board members and people who have millions of dollars to people who want to have pleasure and a complete, it’s just a completely different shift. And so it’s been a really fun journey, the couple people that I have been coaching recently, it’s been really life giving to me to be able to share my story, but then also to share resources. That was probably one of the hardest thing as I was transitioning was to find the resources that I needed to be able to do this in such a healthy way. Yeah.

Juliette Karaman  13:50

And that’s it. I mean, it’s interesting, you’re saying that it’s very different. And yet, for me, the challenges are like the, the interesting bits, like where can we take this intimacy coaching? Because all we’re doing is showing someone the fullness of themselves? How can we take that into executive coaching because I coached quite a few high, high flyers, and they’re very good in a lot of different rounds of their business and, and everything’s going well, but and then there’ll be one or two hiccups, it’s either they keep getting divorce, or they’re this or that. And it’s like, oh, how can we actually bring like their erotic blueprints? How can we bring the just the love languages? How can we bring the totality of who you are in your business as well? That will be a fun one for you.

Ayce Kyptyn  14:41

Yes, yes, absolutely. I’m excited to bridge the two most definitely. I haven’t figured out exactly how to do so. Because it’s been such a drastic different world, but it’s it’s something that I’m very intrigued about.

Juliette Karaman  14:57

Now, I love it. I love what you’re doing. I love what you’re Stand for I’m super, super happy to have you here. I wanted to just point my listeners to please go and share this podcast. What I’d really love you to do is actually to write some comments about it. I know we’ve gone kind of viral, but apparently what the thing, what really helps is getting some comments on it, take a screenshot of your comments, send it to me at Juliette caravan on Instagram, and then you will get scrumptious dates, a whole programme for free, or that will be your prize. So I would really, really appreciate it if everyone shares this, because this is a message that needs to be heard. Right, there are more people that are struggling with their identity with their sexuality, with their gender. So ace is so beautiful and how they are expressing themselves and how they’re sharing this story. And it’s it takes a bit of guts to be visible like this, right? We were audible but but still, it’s like, Hey, I’m getting my story out there.

Ayce Kyptyn  16:09

Absolutely. Thank you for the opportunity.

Juliette Karaman  16:11

Now completely. I love, love, love what you’re doing. I love the direction that you’re taking this, and just really celebrating you celebrating you for choosing you. It’s just an incredible way to live your life, right to really be in that fullness of who you are without fear of hurting someone or being too much or being too little or being whatever. So

Ayce Kyptyn  16:40

yeah, it’s life giving for sure.

Juliette Karaman  16:42

Cool, cool. So one last question, what would you if there are three takeaways from what? You’ve gone through these last two years? And if someone is listening to you right now, and they’re like, this is something that might be going on for me too. What are the three takeaways? What are your three things that you could say, Hey, these are some resources. This is what helped me. Do you have certain processes? Do you journal what what are the three things? Two?

Ayce Kyptyn  17:14

Might be the first thing? Yeah, the first thing for me was to get real with myself. Like, don’t hide those inner longings that you have actually expressed them. verbalise them, find a safe space that you can actually process what you’re feeling inside. Because you don’t know what kind of life you can live. If you don’t actually, you know, dive into the process just a little bit, so get real with it. The second thing

Juliette Karaman  17:40

I would say, did that was a coach. Firstly,

Ayce Kyptyn  17:43

I did. Yeah. Personally, I did that with a coach. Yeah. So I actually hired a team of people to help me. So I had a doctor that came into this journey and journey alongside of me, I had a professional coach that helped me figure out the orientation expression, gender identity, that kind of thing. And then I also hired a therapist to help me with the mental health aspect of this. So yeah, my second tip would be find a team of people that are gonna come alongside of you that you can trust that you can really, you know, have honest conversation with and that they’re gonna like, have your back, I’d say that those are probably the top two things, get real with myself, and then find your team that’s gonna support you find your people that you can just really dive into this with.

Juliette Karaman  18:26

I love that I love that you read that you touch upon mental health, right? Because that’s a really important piece of this whole puzzle of people don’t tell but yeah, come on. It’s just a phase you’re going through, etcetera, etcetera. So it really sounds like you got the right help. So absolutely. yourself completely. Yeah. What’s one thing that you do? I would say on a regular basis to really anchor into you every, every day? Yeah, there’s

Ayce Kyptyn  18:58

absolutely. So this was a game changer for me. And I started this about a year ago. And it’s something that you’re well aware of, and it’s called pleasure first. Starting out your day, with some sort of pleasure, and it doesn’t have to be sexual pleasure, it can be just eating a piece of chocolate or doing something for yourself that brings you pleasure. But that right there, you know, it took me out of the cycle of pain, because I was constantly feeling the pain and I was really deep and dark and dark situations. And it just brought new life to my life to be able to experience pleasure first in my life, and then also throughout the day to bring pleasure into my life and be really intentional about that.

Juliette Karaman  19:37

I love it. Would you run us through like a one or two minutes pleasure first? I didn’t ask about this.

Ayce Kyptyn  19:47

Yeah, yeah. So for pleasure. First, it’s really good to be in an environment where you feel safe and comfortable and you can just be yourself so if you’re driving obviously don’t close your eyes or anything like that. But if in your safe space As you know, sit down into a comfortable position, maybe lay down, do something that would feel comfortable for you and in your body right now in this space. And as you do that, I would like to just notice your breath. And I noticed my breath is a little bit fast my heart rates a little bit fast because I’m doing this podcast. So in noticing you can choose to change that or you can choose to sit in that, that’s up to you. I’m gonna choose to take just a couple deep breaths and just sink into my body

Ayce Kyptyn  20:34

just take a deep breath with me you’ll start to feel your heart rate slowed down just a little bit

Ayce Kyptyn  20:43

Take another deep breath Good, good. And obviously if we had more time I could lead you into a process where we actually enjoy some pleasure in our body but that’s where I’d love to start in a pleasure first situation is just literally just get into your body allow the into the anxiety to just dissipate and just settle down and then see what your body wants from their

Juliette Karaman  21:13

beautiful I love ending on this. We didn’t start we ended on it. Absolutely. Tell people one more time how they can what’s the best way of finding you probably your Instagram, right?

Ayce Kyptyn  21:26

But Instagram is hot. Yeah, I post on that daily if you want to reach out to me in a DM feel feel free to do so. I’m constantly on that platform.

Juliette Karaman  21:34

Yeah. Amazing. Thank you so much for coming on the show. It’s been amazing.

Ayce Kyptyn  21:40

Awesome. Thank you for your time today Juliette. I just love, love to you. Good day.