Episode 17 Flirting and Embracing Playfulness in Relationships with Anne More

The Scrumptious woman EP17

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

flirting, love, flirtation, sexiness, energy, relationship, approach, creating, playful, long term relationship, stranger, play, desire, give, feel, aliveness, energetic, turn, playfulness, tonight

SPEAKERS

Juliette Karaman, Anne More

Juliette Karaman  00:00

So I am so excited. I’ve got my dear friend and fellow coach and magician who helps his incredible people and I love to read her little bio and it says, Hi, I’m more, I help you have this kind of hot, satisfy satisfying sex you actually want with the people that you love. Couples, let’s redesign your relationship to become the source of what you each crave. Deep, satisfying sex, playful passion, and love for a lifetime. Get started now creating the kind of sex and love that you’ve been waiting for. That is quite a bike.

Anne More  00:47

That is it. That is it. And what I’m excited about leaning into with you particularly today is the part about playful passion. It is such a source of delight and also just like lifeforce and vitality when we play. Right. And I know you are absolutely a mistress in this space. And I mean that many realms and especially about flirting.

Juliette Karaman  01:24

mmmm, Say more, about flirting, it sounds delicious

Anne More  01:29

Yeah. So flirting with strangers, but also flirting with your longtime lover can be such a such a way to flip the switch from boredom into playfulness, from kind of the routine into the unexpected. But it’s something that I find it helps to practice

Juliette Karaman  02:02

I love it. Practice makes perfect. Right? So

Anne More  02:06

yeah, what so I I’d love to hear how you go ahead.

Juliette Karaman  02:10

So what are some of the things that you tell your your peeps you work with, with singles with, with couples with basically everything right? triples?

Anne More  02:20

Yeah, well, I’m particularly long term couples who want to re kindled desire and who have been together in a particular way for a long time, and they just want to change it up. But it also so I’ll just tell the story that I was getting to know someone recently, who actually is someone that I’d like to work with. So it’s someone who’s a colleague and and was just exploring, like how to start the conversation with this person. And what they said to me was, what if we enter each other’s world in any way we want to?

Juliette Karaman  03:07

Isn’t that kind of

Anne More  03:12

and I just blew open the doors of possibility and was an instant turn on. So yes,

Juliette Karaman  03:24

I work. I actually feel that’s right. Can you feel the excitement and right when you feel the excitement, the buzzing, that flirtatious just that opening of possibility? I call it lifeforce. I call it scrumptious nose, we can call it orgasm, we can call it whatever we want. But it’s that force that runs through us the energy that runs through us and then that interconnectedness.

Anne More  03:52

Right, and we can do it with anyone. We can do it anywhere. You and I are doing it right now.

Juliette Karaman  03:58

I know right? So much.

Anne More  04:03

Right? And then suddenly, we’re in delight, and we’re playing and anything can happen. It just brings in so much freedom. And it’s it can be scary. I think I think when we when we start to feel a obligation and stress and shut down, this can be challenging to access and it’s exactly why I lean into it. So because when I when I flirt, I feel sexy. I’m suddenly alive, I’m suddenly turned on.

Juliette Karaman  04:51

And it’s interesting, right? Because flirting doesn’t have to be sexy and you don’t have to actually use the sexual energy. But it’s just how can you’d be more alive. How can you have more fun than that? Can you create the above a boom in your life? Right?

Anne More  05:07

Yes, yes. And to to do it with just like practice with anyone I flirt with babies all the time. They’re actually really great to practice flirting with. I don’t know if you play with this yourself, but oh my goodness. Peekaboo is flirting.

Juliette Karaman  05:25

But that’s it. I love this. Let’s unpack flirting a little bit, because I’m sure some people are like, my butthole? I’m not sure what these.

Anne More  05:38

Exactly. So how do you define flirting?

Juliette Karaman  05:41

For me flirting is just putting my attention on someone and giving them undivided attention and kind of seeing what happens in the energy between us. And that doesn’t have to be sexual. It could just be funny could just be a little knowing. Look, someone it’s like, oh, we are connecting at this point in space of time. What is your?

Anne More  06:05

Yes, that’s so much of it. It’s about is there a way I can we can play? Is there a way that we can approach each other and start to step outside the rules? So it doesn’t end? It doesn’t have to be a super kinky thing, although I love to play in the kink. But it’s just like how can I approach you in a way that surprises that surprises me and surprises you? There’s, there’s a sense of delight. There’s a sense of freshness. But it’s also let me show you a little of who I am. And see if you meet me there, see if you respond. And so it’s a bid for connection. And, yeah, and what you said about really placing the attention on the other person is really important, because I want to do it in a way where I feel like I’m showing you that I see you. And I’m beginning to honour you, as a human being and saying, Can we can we just see each other in this moment? In our humanity, and so I phone, I mean, I do this with the checkout people at the grocery store, even just to look at them to feel into who they are and how they’re approaching, you know how they’re in there this moment, and to say something that breaks the ice. And the ice is the way we sort of like we don’t see each other there’s these rote ways of responding to each other, to break into something real. And I and I do

Juliette Karaman  08:02

work before actually saying, you know, you do this with the checkout lady with the barista with Yes. It’s like, let’s get out of the way that we normally are in our phones or in our thoughts. But actually, let’s put our attention out on other people that are that we just meet for one split second, how can we just interact with them? And how can we really connect as humans?

Anne More  08:28

Yes. And I find that the the a great guide for when to flirt is when I’m bored.

Anne More  08:40

If I am bored, it’s because I’m feeling like there’s something constricting in what’s happening around me. I’m sort of dropping into routine and expectations. And so flirting is a way of saying, Nah, let’s play with this. Let’s Let’s break the rules a bit. Let’s be a little outrageous together, how cool and see what happens. It’s about stepping into fabulousness of just wildness anything can happen. And I do use. I like to use the erotic blueprints as a foundation for this. And you know that work really well. And that’s just feeling into how I want to be approached and showing that but then also using the ways that different people are wired not just for turn on and sex but for play, how they like to be spoken to touched, approached. And one of the reasons I like to flirt is to just discuss I’m curious. So I’ll try for instance, an energetic approach, which is about teas and anticipation. So the thing, that piece about let’s enter each other’s world in any way we want to. It’s very energetic. It’s very spacious. It’s about anticipation and tease. Or I was at a dinner. And we each had a butter plate. And actually, no, we were sharing butter plates, and the man next to me, and I was sharing a butter plate. And it was getting down to like the last little piece, and I looked straight at him, I said, I’m gonna take all the rest of it. And he responded instantly. It was great. He smiled, he lit up. And we understood each other. It’s like, Oh, all right, there’s something there’s a little kinkiness. Here, there’s a little desire to break the rules.

Juliette Karaman  11:01

But isn’t it beautiful? Right, that moment. And I want the listeners actually to listen how plays with her voice as well. When she goes into the energetic, she takes a bit longer. And just flirts with her voice. Because you can also flirt with yourself, right? And that’s what we tend to do a lot of the time, anyway.

Anne More  11:25

Yes, yes. And thank you. And that’s this is, if you’re afraid of practising with anyone else, it is really great to practice with yourself. And to drop into the different energies and body language and vocal tones. So energetic is very breathy and slow and full of presence. And sensual is absolutely dripping with honey. And it’s a little deeper and it’s slow. And it’s just and I move my body.

Anne More  12:07

And sexual sometimes sexual is hard for those of us who’ve been raised as women are in the feminine to access because it’s very direct. It’s like, I want you, let’s fuck, let’s get naked. I just want you, I want it now. And just direct, clear, commanding, but also owning desire. Like really going straight into it using very explicit language. That’s something you would do with someone you already have some kind of consent relationship with, like, I wouldn’t do that with a stranger. Yes, and the kinkiness is the thing about like, I’m going to take all the butter, or oh, this is so naughty. What we’re doing is just, it’s kind of wicked. And just loving that. And it’s a great way if you are in a long term relationship, to start to ask the question, to start the conversation to seduce. Can we get together and play and erotically, and so often with longterm couples, they fall into? Like the one phrase, it’s like, are we going to do it? Is it going to happen tonight? Do you think you might have some time, and it’s always just like, very indirect, it’s like, afraid of being turned down. Or just, it’s, it’s, it’s not exciting. It’s boring. And so flirting with your partner can be a great way to light it up, change the energy and shift into that sexy space that you both actually want. So instead of saying, Hey, do you know tonight, do you? Do you think we’re going to do it to be like, Oh, I’m, I think I might just wander upstairs and take my clothes off and just lie on the bed.

Juliette Karaman  14:12

What’s more, you want to find me? So often, we forget about this that we’re like, Okay, I have the dogs me fed up. They’ve been out. Have you taken the rubbish out the garbage? Mine’s a whole list. And that’s like, Oh, is he going to touch me tonight? I’m not sure I’m up to that. You have all these thoughts and emotions and images and whatever coming up in your mind. But the last thing you think but it’s actually playful, maybe initiation? Right. So I learned how you Yes, play around with that.

Anne More  14:51

Right, right, and to shift into what would turn me on and one of the great things about this is when you start to discover words or phrases or energies that, you know, make this shift for you that shifts you into sexiness. You can actually give those phrases word for word to your lover to say, and it works. It’s crazy how it works. And it you know, it can feel artificial, like, Oh, if I tell them what to say, it won’t, you know, it just won’t land for me. And it’s helpful to say it with the right energy. But I find for instance, if I tell a lover Okay, one thing that really turns me on is to hear good girl. It works every single time, every single time.

Juliette Karaman  15:51

Just laugh with the light.

Anne More  15:56

I mean, I just go into the squirt meanness, and yeah, it’s an instant turn on. And it doesn’t mean I want every stranger to tell me that I would I would hand that to someone. It’s like handing someone the keys to the Ferrari. Yeah, absolutely. Like, I want to make sure that they’re going to take care of the Ferrari, and approach me with reverence and in admiration and consent. But especially for even in a long term relationship, I would want to set that up of like, I’m really feeling like I want that flirty energy of seducing me in the kinky. So I really like if you tonight would say things like, good girl, and I’m just going to ravish you, but not yet. Like, that’s the kind of approach that I want now. And I’m a shapeshifter. I like all the different things. So I like to change it up as well. So there’s not going to be any one single phrase that’s going to work for me. But that means also that I can flirt with my partner and say, for instance, gosh, I’m feeling really, rather than going like oh, you know, I’m feeling pretty distant. And I really want I need you to go really slow. And to be in the energy of the way I want to be approached and saying, oh, gosh, I’m I’m really feeling my energetic. And what I’d love is for you to just keep distance and make me want you. Would you do that? Tonight? Would you make me wait? And just long for you. And I’m already modelling what I want. So that then my lover can know can reflect that back to me. Now I

Juliette Karaman  17:57

want everyone to and I’m not making them guests. Take a breath. You won’t get this immediately. But just notice how the energy change, right? Instead of just saying, Oh, no, I want you to take it slow with me. And please don’t touch me there, etc. But just the way that I’m expressed that and put so much desire and some playfulness so much flirting to bind it. Yeah.

Anne More  18:27

And slowing down is good. That’s always a great seduction.

Juliette Karaman  18:33

Yeah, it’s it’s often I say to my clients, it’s like, slow down half what you think you should be and then half again. They’re like, rolling. I’m like I now try crow. Roll to each other on the cross.

Anne More  18:54

Exactly. Or simply waiting. Yes. Like that is, especially if there’s a sense of urgency and rushing together. That often is the thing that creates kind of a a sense of boredom is you’re getting it too fast. It’s like the fast food of sex or seduction. So instead of that to be creating tension, creating tension by saying For example, I really want to kiss you. Like I can’t wait to just taste your lips. But not yet. Right now I just want to look at you and feel this

Juliette Karaman  19:48

hot hot yeah, so I love how you’re giving all our listeners so many ideas and I’m sure a lot of their minds are like What? How do I learn this stuff? How do I even approach my partner? We haven’t. We’ve been together for 23 years, and we have not sex and 10. How do I even start writing into what I want?

Anne More  20:17

Yes. So I have a little guide that gives you hints in each of the blueprints for how to flirt. And why to flirt. So and I don’t know if this is the time to offer that.

Juliette Karaman  20:36

Oh, yeah. And we’ll we’ll do it again at the end. Oh,

Anne More  20:40

yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So and this is giving you just five examples for each of the blueprints of things to say. So, for example, like in the energetic let’s enter each other’s world, you are radiant. Let’s just slow down and breathe. Five things to say to a kinky lover. And again, this can be a longtime partner, or it can be a stranger at a party where you want to just play with some erotic energy. Let’s get wicked. Goodness, we’re breaking the rules, aren’t we? And for a shapeshifter, I just love how you love to explore new things. Which way do you want to play tonight? Let’s try something new. So in that case, it’s opening the doors for everything’s possible. shapeshifters like to just change it up, have contrast have newness and novelty. And what I’m playing with also is how to flirt in any situation, and then how to flirt in your long term relationship. And actually, both are really important. Because if you only ever flirt with your partner, even that can get a little stale. The idea of flirtation is playing with that tension. And it doesn’t have to go anywhere. You don’t have to do anything. With the turn on that you create with a stranger at a party, you can just bathe in it, and enjoy it and look right at them and see that they’re turned on and be like, Oh, God, I love that you want me isn’t that delicious? And then walk away.

Juliette Karaman  22:46

Now I’m sure a lot of people are thinking like, Yeah, but we How can I do that with my husband right next to me.

Anne More  22:56

And so in that case, one of the things is to have some ground rules of dining, darling, I really want to play with flirting tonight because I want to get so turned on that I come back to you just dripping with desire. And then we can go home and play with that. Now, how do you feel about that? Now that sounds so it’s a good centrepiece, but it’s it’s consent to in the interest of nourishing our relationship.

Juliette Karaman  23:26

So beautiful. Yeah. I really,

Anne More  23:30

and it’s also, it’s also saying, I’m going to be in my sexiness. And actually, it could be I’m going to go flirt with that guy over there. Do you want to watch to see what happens. I’m going to be flirting with him and looking right at you.

Juliette Karaman  23:52

Because you might have done that when you were younger when you were just starting out. Or you would notice that everyone was watching you too, because you had such incredible chemistry. Re ignite this a little bit again, right?

Anne More  24:08

Right. And in that case, it’s not about creating jealousy. But it is about playing with something that’s right next to jealousy, which is that I belong to myself. And that actually, I can play with anyone that I’m a separate person from you. I love you. I’m connected to you. I’m committed to you. And I’m always my own person in the world to remember that and remind each other because that is a place that creates aliveness in a long term relationship as well. For people who’ve been together a long time, there’s this sense of ownership that can creep in. And one of the ways that I work with couples the most is that there’s a mantra of I own my time I own my body, I own my heart, I own my resources. And that isn’t saying, I’m taking it away from you. And I’m shutting down the connection between us. It’s saying, when I’m with you, I’m choosing you. And choosing you, I’m turning towards you with all the aliveness that I have. But if there’s that sense of ownership, it can feel constricting. And so this is about creating freedom.

Juliette Karaman  25:29

Yeah, it’s gorgeous. Within the space, yeah, within the relationship within yourself. But also, I think a lot of people forget about this, we we’ve been together for a long time, they were maybe married or not married. But, you know, we kind of believe that it’s 5050 and a relationship. And for me, what I keep telling my clients is like you are 100% responsible for your relationship, it’s not 5050 You eat are 100% responsible for yourself, or how you show up for, for how you are in this relationship. So really taking charge of who you are, what you bring to yourself, and what you then bring to the relationship is where you’re where all the juice is that and then I love, right? Where that you just kind of play with that. But how you know, like, with all the statements is like, Yes, I take ownership,

Anne More  26:24

right? Yeah, so that means I take ownership of feeding my own sexiness all the time. I’m not, I’m not requiring my partner to be the one the only one who helps me feel sexy. And, and sort of outsourcing that to them only. It’s saying, I’m going to this thing about libido. Like that word, I don’t really you know, I don’t love that word to me. Like my libido. My desire for sexiness in the world is about being alive in the world all the time. And it’s not dependent on my partner, or even being in a relationship. I’m not in a relationship right now. I’m actually in kind of a reset, coming out of a long term relationship. And I’m using flirting very intentionally now, to feed myself to feed my own body and to create pleasure in interactions. And it builds my confidence. It helps me to connect to my sexiness when I’m not actively engaged in sexiness with a partner. It’s it’s just about aliveness

Juliette Karaman  27:44

completely. And I’m sure a lot of people I was gonna say, woman, but I think there’s a lot of couples, woman, men, whatever gender orientation you are, that are like, Oh my God, I want more of that. How can you give them three concrete steps that you do, to feel that more in your life to be to have more that more aliveness when you’re just flirting with yourself with other people in your life just so that, even if you’re not in a relationship?

Anne More  28:17

Yes. So one is eye contact. Eye contact already, is especially out in the world with strangers to make contact. And stay in contact chest eye contact, can be incredibly powerful. It’s, it’s a way of showing yourself and meeting them. It’s a penetration. It’s an interpenetration, between you. And it’s a lovely thing to make eye contact. Look away just for a moment. And then look back. Because if they look back to you’ve already had a conversation. Oh, I think you’re interesting. Oh, I actually there’s some attraction to you. Maybe it’s sexual. Maybe it’s not. But I’m excited by you in some way. And I’m going to break the contact. And then come back and see if you come back to now the game is on already. The game is on. This is a great well, like the peekaboo. It’s really really peekaboo. And it works with exactly the way of asking. Yes, it’s a way of asking permission and saying oh, do you want to play I want to play? Can we just a little bit playful? Okay, now we’re a little bit playful. Maybe we can do a little more. Another one is to just ask a question. And really lean in with all of like with a genuine curiosity. One of my favourite questions that opens to flirtation is simply Oh, tell me more. Tell me more. Yes. Oh, you Just had a vacation. Tell me more what was that like for you? And it’s open ended. It allows them to step in in any way they want. And I’m showing a desire to connect with them. And I’m using my voice my body language to say, I’m open to this. What else can we create here? And the third one is to break a rule in some little way.

Juliette Karaman  30:26

I love it, you

Anne More  30:27

really break rule? Yes. Line together. And even what if you’re in line to this loss on long line, it’s boring, and it’s going to take forever, and to just turn to the person next to you and say, I wonder what would happen if I just like walk to the front of the line?

Juliette Karaman  30:52

How delightful. Oh, my God, you’d be here in the UK, they would scold you.

Anne More  31:00

And it’s outrageous, but it’s about stepping into the imaginative together, I haven’t done the thing. But I’ve made open the possibility that it might happen. And it’s this outrageous thing. And to invite just like, what would that be like? Suddenly we’re playing? We’re in an imaginary world where I’m willing to do that, and oh, my God.

Juliette Karaman  31:20

And can you just notice how much fun and how much playfulness is in all these examples that I gave? And I love that I’m her website is I’m gonna let you say it, but it is yes. And more.com. And of course, she was talking about Tell me more.

Anne More  31:44

I was and I want to spell and more because I spell it with one Oh, because it’s yes, I want more, more and more and more. So it’s Y e s a n n e m o r e.com. So, yes and more. And I am offering if you email me and notice the flirtation here, if you email me at the email of an ad an E at Yes, anmore.com. I will send you my guide to flirtation. And we’ll be connected and they’ll be the beginning of a relationship.

Juliette Karaman  32:34

Isn’t that fun? So I would say to all the listeners email and at Yes, more. So an has a M M E, more mo r e.com. And then with the subject flirting, so you can get a bit flirtatious and get her flirtation flirting. Download incredible.

Anne More  33:07

Sounds lovely. And I cannot wait. I’m already an anticipation and eagerness who might respond? So I’m already feeling sexier. Isn’t that fun? And I invite you to do the same. Yes, exactly. So I just wish for all of you listeners to play to allow yourself to play. This is very young and joyful and innocent energy. And it feeds our souls as well as our bodies, I find that flirting just changes the tone of the whole day.

Juliette Karaman  33:49

Isn’t it beautiful? And it doesn’t come easily, quickly, any further than just that initial fun playing, changing the energy around you, your body between people. And that’s it. And that’s like a little Tinker Bell. inject a little bit, play and then go on and be on your

Anne More  34:09

way. Exactly. Everything becomes magic. And it only takes a second right now. Meeting the eyes of a stranger across the room, or meeting the eyes of a stranger across the room. You’re both about to board a train and you blow a kiss and then get on your train. So I invite you to try it today. Just a little a little secret sauce.

Juliette Karaman  34:35

What do you say to people that are kind of stuck at home and don’t have a lot of interaction with others out in the world? Can they play on the internet as well? On social media?

Anne More  34:45

Oh my god. Yes. Yes. So that’s the thing about flirting today you can do it across the miles you can do it in in texting. You can do it with emojis. You can do it on a phone. You can do it with voice messages. It’s, it’s lovely to step two, that’s already breaking a rule. Okay, we were texting. But now, I’m going to send you just a little audio message that just saying, I love what we’re doing. And suddenly, now we’ve got more layers, we’ve got my voice, we’ve got the tone that I’ve using, I’m showing you a little more of myself. You can flirt with pictures, of course, you can send a picture of a just a tiny body part. That’s not the usual body part you might send and say, Guess what this is? And maybe it’s your elbow. Yeah, it’s it’s delicious. And it it’s limitless, really, it’s limitless. You can do it. You can do it at home alone. And you can flirt with yourself in the mirror. Yes, this is a lovely way this is when I do mirror work. It’s about changing my body image. It’s about changing the stories of what I see in the mirror. When I see myself in the mirror, I can I can I can do the same things. I can look away, and then look back, I can look me up and down and see the voluptuousness of my body and maybe run a finger along my arm and watch myself

Juliette Karaman  36:28

doing it.

Anne More  36:30

And already with this, I’m feeling more turned on I’m feeling myself as a sexy human. I’m reflecting back to me that I’m hot.

Juliette Karaman  36:43

And that is so

Anne More  36:44

so it’s, it’s it’s always available. What if the next time you look in the mirror, instead of going straight to judgement and like, oh, I don’t like my hair. And I think I have wrinkles on my neck to look in the mirror and think oh my god, what do I want to do to this body? I think I’m gonna just play with this hair and make it really messy and naughty. Or just like run close my eyes run my hands over my body. And then look again. It’s there’s a million ways to flirt. And it’s really about it’s love. It’s actually looking at yourself or another with love.

Juliette Karaman  37:36

That’s beautiful. And isn’t love the highest vibration that we can all be in. And then you’re interjecting love doesn’t Yes. Heavy and like denying love. Just be playful.

Anne More  37:52

Yeah. Yeah, what I find is when I’m in the energy of playing flirtation, judgement is nowhere near. It’s a judgement free zone, you can’t get it wrong. It’s all about delight and excitement. And it can be done at any age. I love particularly flirting with those who are much much much older than me like the elders and seeing them. Yes, as young and juicy and playful. Like I talked about flirting with babies. I also flirt with like, anyone at any age. And it means I can access this at any age. I can be flirting with people when I’m 95 complete, and I plan to

Juliette Karaman  38:39

my mother was such a flirt to the day that she died, she was still flirting with the doctor. And I just kind of saw that.

Anne More  38:51

Yes, exactly. And we get to step outside our roles. We get to accept outside expectations, and just be in the possibility and the infinite and the what, what will happen next. It’s that we step into Ah, what’s going to happen. I no longer know what’s going to happen

Juliette Karaman  39:11

completely. And it’s the one thing that gets us out of our heads out of future projecting out of doomsday scenario of what happened in the past, and just really in the hero now and finding light in that.

Anne More  39:25

Yes, exactly. And meeting each other in the here and now. Which is really what creates connection. Always is to say I see you right now. I’m not anywhere but right now.

Juliette Karaman  39:45

I love this. I’ve had so much fun chatting to you. Oh my goodness. Give the listeners once more where to go for that incredible flirtation guide please.

Anne More  39:59

Yes So it requires that you flirt with me by reaching out with an email and sending your email with the subject flirting to an A and N E at yes and more.com Y e s a n n e m o r e.com and I will be waiting by my inbox for your emails

Juliette Karaman  40:33

now, you have been delight when you’ve been such a good girl so I’m gonna let

Anne More  40:46

time oh my god

Juliette Karaman  40:59

this is how we like to play so my loves, please give and have a look at our website. Just check her out on social media. She’s the light for Go and play and flirt with your life.

Anne More  41:17

How wonderful. Thank you. Oh, and I should just mention you can find me on Facebook also, and more. Look me up

Juliette Karaman  41:25

completely and share this episode if you think oh my god someone else needs to learn how to flirt and there’s been so many good tips and things that Abbot arm has touched upon the share the love.

Anne More  41:40

Thank you. Beautiful. Thank you, Juliette. This has been such a delight.

Juliette Karaman  41:44

Thank you for coming out. It’s been absolutely scrumptious. Much love

Anne More  41:49

as always. Bye