Episode 05: Embracing Slow Living: Cultivating Connection and Presence

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

feel, receiving, experiencing, slowing, body sensations, completely, restaurant, cool, realise, micromanage, podcast, fully, wanted, asked, emotions, safe, bit, yearning, disadvantages, woman

SPEAKERS

Juliette Karaman

Juliette Karaman  00:01

Welcome to the scrumptious woman with Juliette Karaman. This is a sacred space, where we embark on a profound journey, reinventing the most intimate relationship in life.

Juliette Karaman  00:15

Relationship with yourself. We look within uncover and reclaim the territories of relationships, intimacy, sensuality, kink, spirituality, embodiment, communication, parenthood and grief.

Juliette Karaman  00:34

Through this podcast, we challenged ingrained beliefs and address taboo subjects. Awareness truly is the first step towards self love. Welcome once again to the scrumptious woman, and get ready for an adventure as we dive deep into your essence. Together we will receive reveal, rewire and restore the secrets to living a more scrumptious life. Are you ready? Let’s begin.

Juliette Karaman  01:08

Hello, my lovelies.

Juliette Karaman  01:11

I am so pleased to be with you today.

Juliette Karaman  01:15

And really on the back of a beautiful weekend, a beautiful weekend of slowing down. And that’s one of the things I wanted to talk to you about today. We live in a society where everything is fast paced, it’s quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick Quack, quack, snapping my fingers, we snap our fingers. And then immediately we want a response. And we want to get the things that we want. You know, we live in an Amazon economy where you order it one day, and it’s there the next. And I’ve really noticed with my clients where especially their children, if they have children that are teenagers are in their early 20s, or even younger. They don’t quite know

Juliette Karaman  02:04

the energetics behind yearning behind really wanting something,

Juliette Karaman  02:11

wanting something and waiting for it. And yes, it shows my age. I’m 55. For those of you who remember that when it was our birthday, or when it was Christmas, and especially in Holland, this is what we do. We serve write a list of the things that we wanted and that we’d really like to receive in Holland, that’s totally cool to actually ask the people. So as a guest, you will ask your hosting, oh, it’s your birthday? Do you have anything on your birthday list? What can I get to and then it’s totally okay to actually tell them Well, I’ve got this and this and this, I’d love that and that and that. And then the gas goes out and buys it. So very practical, we Dutch off. But you know, of course I’ve lived in the UK for over 23 years. But the beauty of this weekend was really slowing down. Feeling everything fully. Knowing that you may have a desire, you may want something really, really badly. But then that yearning piece that piece of this is what I desire. And then letting it go, letting it go out into the universe this Yeah, to go to law of attraction, wanting something, visualising it, picturing it, tasting it, smelling it being in that that moment that you’ve received it. I mean, you let it go, you let it go. You let God the universe, whatever is your word for it, take care of it, arriving to you to receiving it. So that brings me to receiving and slowing down to make the time because like I was saying we’re in this constant get get get get get. mindset and just that is the way that we interact with others. We’re quickly on the phone or where we send a quick text we we immediately expect to the other person to respond. I remember the days that there were no mobile phones. I remember going skiing in France and have a little apartment in France and I’ve gone skiing there since I was I think ages six or so. So really knew my place there. I knew knew everyone around and I would have my sister and I would always go and make appointments, ski dates with friends of ours, but it was like nine o’clock or 930 You’re down at the ski left If you’re 10 minutes late, people will just leave, there was no way of communicating, there was no way of, of actually telling them that you were late. And these days I’ve seen where having a mobile phone is absolutely wonderful and being being able to be reached, and it’s had all these plus points, but at the same time, it also means that people can just cancel on you really quickly. Where it becomes their time is more precious than yours. The other day, I had someone cancel on me 20 minutes before and I was like, Whoa, what happened here. And this was a massive fear, massive thing it was was definitely it was an accident, and some one of our kids had had gotten into an accident. So she needed to get it Ospital completely understandable. But you also realise that yearning that looking forward to seeing someone making sure that you’re going to be on time, make sure that you leave on time to get to that place in time, without having in the back of your minds like oh, I can always text saying I’m going to be later. Oh, it’s alright, I can Yeah. I’ll manage my way out of it. And then they’re okay. They don’t mind so much. But this is where it really shows what is your communication to self? What’s your communication to another? And were you actually slow down enough to realise what that means? What that says about you? And how about how the other person interprets it? Coming back to my brand calling called feel fully you have people have asked me why did you call your brand feel fully you. And I’ve noticed that one of the processes that I take people through is fully experiencing, experiencing a thought so thinking that but experiencing an image seeing that image, experiencing a body sensation, really experiencing it, feeling it instead of feeling you can say experiencing and then same for an emotion, feel that emotion. So feel that emotion fully, deeply magnifying it, I took you through a process like that. So for me, it was all about feeling, feeling emotions, feeling body sensations. And when we numb out and not have any of our own fault. Yeah, it’s often when I’m up because we’ve had a traumatic experience. We don’t want to have access to all the feelings, the good feelings and the bad feelings, right? We have been taught by our parents that, and I’m going to generalise a little bit here that women are allowed to have emotions. Yeah, how often? If you identify as a female as a woman? How often have you heard like, oh my god, you must be on your period or what you have PMS, just because you might have been a little bit more emotional, and have shown this to the world. And then immediately it gets criticised. And as a male as a bodied person identifying with that. How often have you heard big boys don’t cry? Come on, man up. Be a man about it. Now that’s for little boys Don’t be a sissy. And if you realise how these things, how these statements and how that anchors in them, how that really anchors into your body and into your mind. And then that creates those pathways where you’re just like, okay, it is not safe. For me to be emotional, it’s not safe for me to show my emotions. And then on top of it if we talk about, you know, a heterosexual relationship, where the woman often has lots of emotions, and what we all yearn for is a man to really be emotional stable, and to be there and to kind of like weather that storm while we’re like. Volcano like a big Whirlpool like Oh, my God. And then after we’ve laid it out, usually we’re a bit sheepish like, Oh, we don’t want it to have affected our mind so much. So they’re like well taken aback completely. But this is where we want like a solid man to just like, Okay, got you. What do you need at this moment? How can I support you? So well, well, we’ll test men. We’ll test men. And we’ll say, like, the other day I was. I was with my fiance. And I had booked this really cool restaurant for lunch. And he had kind of forgotten about it. And I’ve done it a few weeks ago, because he had asking, Hey, let’s Let’s book in a few more of these, these restaurants so that we have them in the diary. And then it’s easier to cancel them to get an appointment last moment to get a booking last moment. So I booked this really cool restaurant. And I reminded him the night before I said, Hey, we had a party the night before. I said, Listen, just remember that we have lunch at 130. Tomorrow, we were out. It’s like, oh, yeah, cool. So he was watching his,

Juliette Karaman  11:03

his rugby in the morning, and I was working, doing some things and meditations and then did a little bit of work. And afterwards, he’s like, Hey, can we go to can we get to the pub for for lunch? I was like, no, because we’ve already booked. And he’s like, Oh, that’s right. Thank you so much for arranging this. But I could kind of see like, if he had arranged it, he would have remembered. And he would have won, I would have said, Hey, let’s go to the pub, or let’s go to another restaurant who would have said no, love that. Love that idea. And I’ve already booked here. So I completely laughed at him. I said, Listen, do you want to go there? Still? Does that feel good? And it’s like, yes, let me find out where it is drive you there take you there. So my past me would have micromanaged and would have put in Google Maps where we’re driving, but I was like, No, you know what I am receiving, I am going to be completely in my feminine, I’m going to let my man take care of all the rest, I’ve done the booking, and all the rest is up to him, how we get there, what time we leave exactly where we park, all of that, because sometimes we like to micro manage. And we like to I mean, I’ll speak for myself, we like to give directions on how we want a certain thing. And this is where we emasculate our men. This is where we subconsciously tell them that we don’t trust them. That we don’t trust that they’ve got us, but they’re holding us that we are safe with them. And if you’ve actually note this even more, it is often a nervous system response, it’s we go into these trauma responses because we’ve received we’ve had an experience that has been quite intense. And that then in our mind solidifies that we are not safe. So that is why often people will try to micromanage they’ll want to control the outcome of the things that they can control. And you’ll see this also with people that are on the spectrum or that have learning disabilities, disadvantages, I like calling it disadvantages. Maybe they’re they’re dyslexic, maybe their high functioning autism, Tourette’s, whatever it may be ADHD it’s, I would say it’s a disadvantage because it’s not the norm. So one way for them to be organised and to have things in work in their mind. I worked with with a boy who, who was on the spectrum and didn’t get signs so it was just like one of the things for him was really to plan through his day to notice where he was going to be, and then to tightly control that. So we as woman have also done this a lot. And if we don’t let her mind, take charge, completely have us feel safe, than that is where we emasculate him Matt’s where If we feel that the relationship then gets broken mean he will feel emasculated. It will chip away at the relationship or chip away at the intimacy between the two. And all of a sudden, resentment will build up. Little things that haven’t been said or things that have slipped under the carpet. You’ve might have shrugged it off. But if your man then stands up and says, Okay, I’ve got you here, just, it’s in my hands now. Take care. You don’t have to micromanage me like. It’s like, okay, perfect. So yesterday, we got to this restaurant. Absolutely wonderful. It was what massively wickedly hot in the UK. And the waiters, waitresses were were lovely, and really, really charming. And at one point, I could just see where he started getting low bit activated. And that’s like, what’s happening there? Curiosity, right, staying in that curiosity. And it was his drink. He’d asked for an ice tea called ice tea. And it came lukewarm. We’re about three ice cubes that had completely melted. And it was so funny because I could feel myself wanting to step up. And it’s like, tell them exactly what he wanted. So he’d asked already for a lot of ice. But it still came back like that. Then he asked for another cup of ice on the side. And then of course, by the time he added that to the table, wasn’t very nice. But I could see him struggling, not struggling, but just kind of like, oh, how do I, how do I get this across to the waitress who’s about 19? Sweet, but just not very knowing. And it was really a challenge for me to just let him be and to notice his perfection to notice his, like his knighthood, right? We call these archetypes and really let him step into that knighthood into that King archetype. And I was like, oh, so he’s led down. He asked exactly for what he wanted. The waitress completely understood it and also felt really taken care of, because he explained it in a way that she could understand what he was feeling. I said, Listen, it’s a hot day. I asked for cold, refreshing iced tea. I got one that’s freshly made. Thank you for that. But it’s very warm. But I asked for ice in it. And you gave me three pieces of ice that by the time you walked to the table had already melted. That asked for another cup of ice, which you sweetly gave to me. And now it’s just not a great experience. So she apologised. The owner of the restaurant came out and she was charming. She looked at the drink. And she’s like, No, what inside got him exactly what he wanted. And actually what she she looked at it tasted it, smelled it and said, No, that’s not at all what’s on my menu. And you could see the pride that she took in, in her menu in her establishment. It was really, really beautiful. To see that interaction between my fiance and and the owner. And why I’m saying this to you is all because of slowing down slowing down to actually experience these moments to actually build a connection. We got to chatting to her know that she’s from Hong Kong, doing all kinds of really cool evenings there in the restaurant. And they started talking wine and champagnes and local wines because we’re here in East Sussex and they do some really cool wine and champagne in England. And just if we had not been present that would not have been available. In just these moments when you can be so present with someone where you can slow down and where you can really feel them. It leaves everyone feeling so much better. She immediately I tagged her on on Instagram, she tagged me back, and it’s just like yeah, I was just like you’re a really nice couple. I can see that a lot of people feel very safe and very, very inclusive. In in your attention in your commute. Unity and being around you. And I was like, yeah, that’s, that’s a good observation, thank you, people do feel safe around us. And that is, I think one of the biggest gifts that you can give anyone is to feel safe, because we live this embodied from this vessel from our body. And that’s often by being disengaged from it from having had an experience that was too fast too soon for us to move through. And then we just kind of like numb out. So it’s either drinking a bit of alcohol, or it’s playing games, or it’s scrolling on Instagram, and all of these are not bad. But if you notice that you’re doing this more, to soothe yourself, then the question may be like, Oh, what am I really trying to serve here? What part of me

Juliette Karaman  21:02

may need a bit of light shining on to them. And that’s where slowing down actually is a beautiful way into receivership a beautiful way into receiving yourself noticing what’s going on your thoughts, any images, any body sensations and your emotions. And that’s really worked cultivates this Mind, Body Soul experience. So lovely is it’s really important to slow down to slow down and feel our emotions, to slow it down to feel the body sensations that may have been coming up. And notice where, again, awareness is the first step toward self love, right? And where you may not be aware of, or you may be disembodied, where you may have experienced something that pops you out of your body. And this is what happens very often. I see a lot of people that live quite disembodied lives, but don’t really have access to their body that don’t quite know if they’re grounded, what’s happening in their body. When I say hey, tell me if your body sensations that are going on, they kind of look at me blankly and they’re like, no, no, I’m fine. Like, okay, tell me, is there any tingling? Is there any buzzing what’s happening with the sensations in your body that they don’t really know. So that is for a whole new podcast. And I do want to really go into that a bit deeper body sensations and how we can become fully embodied. You may have heard this term, and I will speak about it in the next podcast. Until then, much love. Thank you for joining the scrumptious woman podcast. I appreciate you being here as time is your most precious commodity. If you enjoyed these insights, please hit the like and subscribe button. By doing so you’ll stay connected. Visit feel fully u.com for a wealth of resources, tools and guidance to support your journey towards living a more scrumptious life. Follow me on Instagram under the handle Juliette Karaman. French spelling with double te Karaman ka ra ma N. Facebook again, Juliette Karaman don’t keep this magic to yourself. But share this podcast with anyone who you feel will benefit from this energetic exploration. Spread the wisdom ignite their inner fire and empower them to embrace their true selves. Together let’s create this ripple effect of transformation and inspire others to embark on their own journey of self discovery. Thank you for being part of our vibrant community. Stay fully you and continue to radiate your unique essence and all that you do