Episode 04: Embracing Pleasure and Rewiring Taboos in Sexuality

On: Jul 9, 2023

In this episode of “The Scrumptious Woman” with Juliette Karaman, the conversation delves into the realm of pleasure and sexuality. Juliette shares an intriguing anecdote about discussing body parts with her husband’s cousin, which sheds light on the conditioning and taboos around sexuality. She encourages listeners to bring awareness to their own programming and beliefs about pleasure, sensuality, and intimacy.

Juliette emphasizes the importance of normalizing discussions about body parts, sexuality, and pleasure, especially with children, in order to foster a healthy understanding and relationship with one’s own body. She prompts listeners to explore their beliefs and triggers surrounding pleasure and sensuality, inviting them to rewire patterns and embrace joy in their everyday lives.

The episode concludes by highlighting the significance of open communication and connection in relationships when it comes to pleasure and the diverse pathways individuals have towards experiencing it.

Key discussion points:

  • The episode explores the topics of pleasure, sexuality, and body shame.
  • The importance of looking within ourselves to initiate change and understanding.
  • The conversation touches on the taboo nature of discussing sexuality and the discomfort it can create.
  • The impact of upbringing, societal programming, and conditioning on our beliefs about sexuality and pleasure is highlighted.
  • Encouraging curiosity and self-reflection to uncover our conditioning and rewire patterns related to pleasure.
  • Normalizing conversations about body parts, including proper vocabulary, is seen as crucial for healthy relationships with our bodies and others.
  • The episode addresses the need for open dialogue with children about sexuality and body parts to promote understanding, safety, and respect.
  • Pleasure is defined as anything that brings joy and scrumptiousness, extending beyond sexuality.
  • The significance of words and self-talk in rewiring patterns and embracing pleasure is discussed.
  • Explore your personal associations with pleasure and find ways to incorporate more joy and scrumptiousness into their lives.
Transcription:

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

pleasure, talking, sexuality, podcast, body, call, scrumptious, partner, sensuality, Juliette, programmed, body parts, triggered, remember, word, taboo, rewire, smell, feel, notice

Juliette Karaman  00:01

Welcome to the scrumptious woman with Juliette karaman. This is a sacred space, where we embark on a profound journey, reinventing the most intimate relationship in life. The relationship with yourself. We look within uncover and reclaim the territories of relationships, intimacy, sensuality, kink, spirituality, embodiment, communication, parenthood, and grief. Through this podcast, we challenged ingrained beliefs and address taboo subjects. Awareness truly is the first step towards self love. Welcome once again to the scrumptious woman, and get ready for an adventure as we dive deep into your essence. Together we will receive reveal, rewire and restore the secrets to living a more scrumptious life. Are you ready? Let’s begin. Hello, my lovelies. It’s Juliette Karaman. And I want to talk to about pleasure today in sexuality. So it was really interesting yesterday I was being featured or I was a guest on this beautiful podcast with a guest with a host that has a big presence on LinkedIn. And we talked about scrumptious nurse and about body shame and about how we often look outside of ourselves to change but but it’s always Yeah, let’s shine the light on what’s going on inside of us and where your where charge when I was when I talked about charge. That is often where the triggers are, you know, when someone says something, you have a response, you have a reaction, that means that there’s charge. And you know, that was all beautiful. And then at one point, somehow, the conversation went into sexuality and sensuality. And I remember telling her that when I moved to the UK from Switzerland, I went I had my twin daughters, I have two boys and then twin daughters that I asked my husband’s cousin I said, What do you call vagina? And that her answer was front bottom. And that I was like, I’m Dutch. So I’m like, I’m like, fat and bottom. What do you call? What do you call your butt? But that was bottom. She was like, yeah, that’s bottom. I see. You’ve got bottom and front bottom. And so my cousin was like, or my husband does was like, Yeah, so like, isn’t that confusing for your daughter? She’s like, well, that’s what we call it because your vagina just doesn’t sound good, etc. So when I relayed this yesterday in the podcast, I could see her tensing up, she’s, and then afterwards she’s like, Oh, my God, this is going on LinkedIn. And no one ever talks about sexuality. And it’s such an interesting topic. We all came. We all are born because our parents had sex and we were created, right? So let’s just take a breath. Whoever is getting triggered whoever’s getting activated here, let’s just take a breath. And actually, just can we see the humour of it? Can we see the humour of that? Certain things are not spoken about. I remember about three or four years ago, there was this big thing on the telegraph, which is a UK, big newspaper, and they had interviewed me. I said, When do you start talking to your children about sexuality? That’s like, what if you mean sexuality, what happens? The bees and the bees and how babies are created? I said, that’s, you know, that’s kind of not as important as actually having language having proper vocabulary about when do you start talking about to your children about breasts and their body parts, and just not actually having the right vocabulary for a vagina for a vulva? What do we want to call it? Yeah, some people are like, ooh, pissy is really, you know, very triggering. I remember when I first heard the word pussy. I was like, Whoa, that’s, that’s, that’s been out there. And then when you get over that charge, it’s like, oh, that actually doesn’t feel too bad. I mean, there are people that call it very different words. But it’s like what have we learned from our parents? Again, this is where we Go back and we start deciphering you know, we start becoming a sleuth a little bit a bit like a detective, like, why do we have this conditioning? Where can we bring awareness to it? How can we have curiosity? It’s like, whoa, what have I been told about sexuality? Let’s actually just take a breath and think back and say, what it what were my parents like, but they walk around naked. There were they always covered up when there might have been movies or TV programmes, and they talked, or if they showed someone kissing, or having signs of affection, intimate moments, where they always shut off quickly. Were you able to talk to your parents if they tell you about what was happening in your body? All of these are insights into how you have been programmed, because let’s face it, we are like computers in a way that just came to me now. But we have been programmed by our society. We’ve been programmed by our parents, by our siblings, by the schools, universities, all those have left an imprint. And that’s if you kind of like think about chat, GBT, right, it had to be programmed by people. This is what’s happened to us as well. But we’re not aware of it. So we think that there’s thoughts in that programming that we have are all our own. And then when you actually start becoming a bit more aware of it, and you start having being a sleuth, being a detective, it’s like, oh, yeah, that thing about sexuality. It’s not even mine, because I have no problem. You’re showing myself or walking around naked in front of my partner, going to the bathroom with the door open all these kinds of things, like just notice what you were talking about that. So going back to the newspaper and the telegraph, it was interesting, because I had spoken to this journalist and I had given her this idea of when is the right time to actually speak to your children about sexuality about body parts? And I said, as soon as you can, as soon as you can actually normalise that. Yes, boys have a Willie or a penis, whatever, you know, whatever you want to call it. And girls have a vulva and vagina. Right. And we have different body parts. We are different than then of course, there’s the whole bit about what are people assigned at birth? And what did they identify with? Because that is now a whole different can of worms that you can open up and I hear. So many people get massively triggered and saying, oh, but that’s a woman. You know, why do we have to go with what sex they were assigned at birth? And now what they identify with? And it’s really it’s like working you also stay curious about that. Now working, stay curious about what are your beliefs about this? What is it trigger inside of you? So yesterday, talking about how to be how to bring this up with your children. I was talking to this lady and she lives in the Arab world. And I spend a lot of time in Beirut, Lebanon. And at one point

 

Juliette Karaman  08:41

I had I have four kids in an under three years time, so they’re really close together. So oftentimes, I needed a hand with things because I just had two four kids pretty much all the same, same age. So for car seats at the same time, and yep, craziness. But I remember going to Lebanon and having a driver the first first time that I was there. And there was something about this driver that yeah, I don’t know. It just kind of felt a little bit off. Or maybe I was very protective. But I remember talking to my kids, Sam, and they were quite young. And I just said, Hey, if you feel energy, and if you ever because we all do feel energy, right? And we’re all connected to that energy into our intuition, but we don’t often trust it. So I remember talking to my kids when they’re young. They’re about six and seven. I said, Hey, if you ever feel like anyone, any adult or any kid if anyone just ever touches you in a way that you don’t feel safe, please go and come and tell me or Baba about it or tell each other you know if you don’t want to talk to us about it, but I want you just to know that you don’t have to hide this. You don’t have to think that it’s okay. Because the most important is for you to feel safe in your body you to feel safe that whoever is around you will respect that. So that was the first thing already bringing up that, you know, we have bodies and what is ours does not actually cannot be touched and cannot just be taken for granted. This is often where we have very sensitive people that don’t know where their body stops and someone else’s body begins because of intense experiences or whatever. And then to normalise by, you know, having them in a bath and just like talking about their body parts. It’s just like to normalise talking about it. I remember when my twins started getting their period, and they were embarrassed to talk about it in front of their brothers. And then they say, Oh, mommy, yeah, why can’t we call it something else from from instead of period. And I’m like, you can call it something else. But at the same time your brother is at one point are going to have girlfriends and wives and maybe children of their own or not. But yeah, it’s possible that they will and the more that we normalise that the more that we normalise that you you are on your moon, you’re on your period. They will then know what to do with when it comes to that time that they have partners in that stage as well. So the thing is, to start becoming aware, again, what have you been taught about this? Maybe you’ve been in a very religious upbringing and pleasure and sexuality is just not something you talked about. You might not have even really know what was going on with your body. And the sad thing is that we all have a different path into pleasure. But we may not know this because first of all, yeah, our upbringing. Maybe religion spoke was a big thing. Maybe you’re very Christian, maybe you’re a Muslim, maybe whatever religion it is. But you had an upbringing that this was not something that you spoke about. Maybe people insinuated that people around you people friends around, you insinuated that, you know, Oh, that girl is really loose. Look at the skirt. You know, she’s wearing such short players look at how loose shears and yeah, she wants it and just start noticing what her old imprints that you got around pleasure around sensuality? And then where did you stop feeling as much and start really getting in touch with your own body? Because of those imprints? Right. So pleasure. It’s funny. A few of us are quite vocal about pleasure. And then our social media accounts get shut down. Because there is still a large population of large part of the population that finds talking about pleasure, uncomfortable, and they link pleasure to sexuality and intimacy and really, that deep and for me, pleasure is anything that brings me joy, pleasure, that scrumptious Ness, that joy that it’s almost feels like an effervescence running through your body. And once you have access to that, that is where everything stems from, that’s where new ideas come from. That’s where more experiences that’s where more of the same comes from. That is why can stop you straight in your tracks. When you are feeling maybe overwhelmed, you can then tap into what it is that brings you joy that brings you pleasure. So I want to just pay, draw your attention to that. That again, the words that we say to ourselves, really makes a massive difference. It’s how we rewire patterns. So what are your thoughts about pleasure? I just said take a moment and think about them. When I say pleasure, what is that? Bring up in you? And it might be Oh When I think about pleasure, I think about sensuality, I think about having sex. It could be or when I think about pleasure, it’s actually, I think about my mother telling me that, you know, promiscuous girls are not no good, and they’ll never get made. When I think about pleasure, I think about having my babies in my arms, smelling that newborn baby smell that beautiful smell, and how that lights me up. Well, I smell them. That’s awesome. Pleasure. Pleasure for me is going outside for a walk and feeling the sun and the breeze, let play around of my hair, feeling my feet and the wet grass. feeling super alive. That is pleasure. It could be pleasure as taking a bath. Putting on a candle, going out for a meal and tasting every single morsel slowing down enough to fully feel it might be the way that a cold drink of water when you’re really thirsty, just quench that thirst and you can feel it go down your throat and hit a reeling little spot. And that can kind of create like a shiver in your body where it just start to notice what is happening. If you notice that all of this could be pleasure. And then I want you to tell me what, what is a better word. For for pleasure for you. Is it scrumptious? As is a joy? And then how can you bring more of this joy, pleasure, scrumptious? pneus? Whatever your word is for it? How can you bring more of that into your everyday life? Right now? All right, think back at the charge you may have felt about the word pleasure. Worse that now, if you didn’t get it on a scale of one to 10. But just if you think back at it now, is there any charge left? Now when I say the word pleasure, what does that ring bring up for you? And also, maybe you don’t have kids yet? But how would you like your kids to be able to talk to you about pleasure to talk to you about sexuality to talk to you about the body parts that they have? What kind of relationship do you want to have with your children? What kind of relationship do you want to have your partner? How can you even start tapping into what gives you pleasure, whatever kind of touch, but you may like I mean this brings up a whole new can of worms that opens up one of the beautiful ways to find your way into pleasure. I’ll be doing a whole podcast on actually finding your archetypes, your blueprints into pleasure. Because there are several ways and we may not always have the same pathway, but our partner has.

 

Juliette Karaman  18:45

So you may notice that some people I’ll give you a little little taste of it here. But you may notice that some people when they eat their body is just like electric you may be one of these people where you can actually smell something and you go into static states into ah amazing. And there are other people that are much more energetic and when you already come close to them to touch them. They either freeze or they completely expand and they love it. Then there are there people that really think of pleasure in sexual acts as in the way that we probably have heard about it most and they think about you know intercourse and, and breasts and they’re like talking about it in those names. Then there are others. But like everything that’s taboo, but that brings up a lot of shame that brings up a lot of stuff in them where they don’t quite know how to tell their partner says it’s like well, they might like maybe a little bit more rough or they like to be told what to do. through, or they like to, to play act in a certain way for this for some people this might mean getting undressed with the lights on or with the curtains open. It could be for every person taboo is something slightly different. You might have heard the term vanilla, or what for some person is vanilla. So like, just like normal sexuality or normal intimacy, normal sensuality for another person that might be taboo because of their upbringing, because of how they have been programmed. And then there are some of us that are called shapeshifters. And we like pretty much all of them. But we also have the shadows of all of them. So for a central person, when we’re actually getting into the pleasure when we’re getting into pleasure, we say in our heads will be like, you know, when we’re actually maybe we’re touching ourselves off the body, or we’re we’re getting, we’re having a massage, someone’s giving us a massage, all of a sudden, where we’re in our body, and then all of a sudden that thought is like, oh my god, did I turn the gas off? What’s going to happen, the house is going to explode, and then you can’t stay in the moment anymore. Does that resonate with anyone, right? And then all of a sudden, you’re out of that pleasure loop and you’re just like, Oh, my God, I don’t know what’s gonna happen. Or you may be in the middle of being kissed by your partner, and all of a sudden, you smell his underarms, and you’re like, Oh, my God, that’s such a turn off, and your whole body just shuts down. Now, I want you to recognise that this is completely normal. But that that is a way out of this, that there is a way to actually learn each other’s blueprint to learn that archetype. To learn what your way into pleasure is, what your way and out of it is what’s blocking you. And then very cool, your partner or your partner is, what their way into this, what is blocking them, and then you can start expanding in it. And then that’s actually when there’s a beautiful symphony that starts to happen between your two. I’ll be talking about this in one of my future podcasts, really the way into pleasure. I’m gonna wrap this or bring this podcast in. And because it was to bring awareness to what sexuality brings up in you, how you can communicate about this to your partner better to your kids to your family. And then ultimately, what did the word pleasure bring out in you. Again, if you want to dive deeper into this, I have several courses on there. So go and have a look on my website. Or continue listening and you’ll learn a lot more in these podcasts. Lots of love. Thank you for joining this scrumptious woman podcast. I appreciate you being here as time is your most precious commodity. If you enjoyed these insights, please hit the like and subscribe button. By doing so you’ll stay connected. Visit feel fully u.com for a wealth of resources, tools and guidance to support your journey towards living a more scrumptious life. Follow me on Instagram under the handle Juliette caravan. French spelling with double te Karaman ka ra ma N. Facebook again, Juliette Karaman now don’t keep this magic to yourself. But share this podcast with anyone who you feel will benefit from this energetic exploration. Spread the wisdom ignite their inner fire and empower them to embrace their true selves. Together let’s create this ripple effect of transformation and inspire others to embark on their own journey of self discovery. Thank you for being part of our vibrant community. Stay fully you and continue to radiate your unique essence and all that you do

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